Employee Birthday Parties Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

551 Results for Employee Birthday Parties

View 181 - 190 results for employee birthday parties comic strips. Discover the best "Employee Birthday Parties" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #engineer, #snide of attitude, #incomprehensible, #technical review, #sarcasm, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to an employee sitting at a computer, "My name is Wally and I'll be your engineer." Wally says to the employee, "Our special today is incomprehensible mumbling in an acronym sauce with a snide of attitude." The employee says, "I'll just have a technical review." Wally asks, "Do you want sarcasm with that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #working for tips, #rfp, #spec binder

View Transcript

Transcript

Holding a binder in his hands, Wally thinks, "I hate working for tips." A female employee says, "No, I ordered the R.F.P." Wally says to the employee, "Maybe you were thinking R.F.P. but you said spec binder, you arrogant cow!" The employee grimaces as she holds the binder and Wally thinks, "With any luck, she'll say, 'You had me at cow'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staying real, #keeping to core, #good, #duuude, #say thing, #no meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

A male employee says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, my man, you're stayin' real and keepin' to the core." Dilbert asks, "Is that good?" The employee says, "I don't even know what it means." Dilbert asks, "Why do you say things that have no meaning?" The employee answers, "Du-u-u-de!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exceeding expectations, #padding objectives, #whistle blower, #award

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "As you know, I'm the only employee who is not exceeding expectations." Wally says, "You should punish the others for unscrupulously padding their objectives! Those lying weasels!!" Wally asks The Boss, "Can I get a Whistle-Blower Award for this?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #birthday, #mothers birthday, #warp up present, #an hour later, #throwing towel, #element of suprise, #no waste paper, #cookies

View Transcript

Transcript

In the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "I've been thinking about your birthday, Mom." His mother says, "How sweet." Dilbert says to his mother, "It seems so inefficient to wrap up your present." As they carry milk and cookies out of the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "You'll just rip up the wrapping paper an hour later." As his mother sets the cookies down, Dilbert says to her, "So I was thinking of throwing a towel over it instead." Dilbert says to his mother, "You'd get all of the element of surprise without wasting paper." Dilbert says to his mother, "Maybe I can use one of your towels so I don't have to lug one from my house." Dilbert's mom says, "Of course, dear. I wouldn't want you to lug a big heavy towel just for me." Dilbert reaches for a cookie and says, "Good. It's settled." His mother says to him, "Those aren't for you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation fairy, #magic wand, #enjoy working, #utter futility, #wally myth, #spell, #cast

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is sitting at his computer. A small winged person, hovering in the air behind him, says, "Hello, employee. I'm the Motivation Fairy." Wally sits up and listens as the Fairy says, "My magic wand will make you enjoy working despite the utter futility." Wally turns to the Fairy and says, "Knock yourself out." The Fairy replies, "Wally?! Gaa! I thought you were a myth!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee personality prefremces, #styles of thinking, #solve problems, #moral and values, #randy is idiot, #illogical, #menacing

View Transcript

Transcript

A female employee says, "I have the results of the Employee Personality Type Preferences." Dilbert, sitting at a table with Randy and Alice, says, "Remind me again why we're doing this." The female employee says, "Your teamwork will be better when you understand that you have different styles of thinking." Randy sits and listens as the female employee says to Dilbert, "For example, Dilbert prefers to use logic to solve problems." Dilbert looks at Randy as the female employee says, "But Randy relies more heavily on morals and values to solve problems." Randy's eyes grow wide as Dilbert says, "That sounds like a fancy way of saying Randy is an idiot." Dilbert and Alice look at Randy as Randy says, "Oh, yeah? Well, I might be an idiot but you're illogical." Dilbert and Alice pat Randy on the shoulders as Randy says, "That didn't sound as menacing as I had hoped." Dilbert says, "It's okay." Alice says, "We understand."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #83% spat, #customer satisfaction survey, #the lucky ones, #died of dehydration, #results of survey

View Transcript

Transcript

A female employee says to The Boss and Wally, "The results of our customer satisfaction survey are in." The female employee says, "83% spat at their telephones until they died of dehydration." Asok the Intern, The Boss and Wally listen as the female employee continues, "We're calling that group 'The Lucky Ones'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hardening, #given more work, #central nervous system, #suddenly stiff, #ripening asok, #apathy cream, #air hole

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Catbert, "Would you like to join me for a hardening?" Catbert asks, "What's that?" The Boss explains, "A hardening is when an employee is given more work than his central nervous system can handle." The Boss holds his arms out stiffly and says, "His whole body suddenly goes stiff." Catbert says, "I'm in." The Boss says, "I've been ripening Asok all month." Catbert says, "Purrr purrr." The Boss and Catbert look at Asok as he sits as his computer and thinks to himself, "So much work... no time." The Boss, handing Asok a piece of paper, says, "Asok, I have another assignment for you." Asok responds, "Gaaa!!!" Wally and Dilbert peer over Asok's cubicle. Wally says, "I heard a hardening. Get the Apathy Cream." A solid mask of Apathy Cream has been applied to Asok's face. Wally says, "He'll be okay when the apathy sinks in." Dilbert says, "We forgot the air hole."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #most valuable asset, #rampant ignorance, #really cost, #better jobs, #across the street, #don't know bugs, #wearing trash cans, #accidental exposure, #consultant, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."