Search Results for "guess"

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Scavenging For Parts

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Scavenging For Parts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #strategy, #parts, #scavenging, #money, #usury, #budget, #relationships

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Dilbert: My boss forgot to fund my project so I've been scavenging for parts. Robot: You usually don't make conversation with me. I guess this means we're friends now. People.

Dilbert Might Be Colluding

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Dilbert Might Be Colluding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #collusion, #trump, #russia, #rumor, #conjecture

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CEO: People tell me Dilbert's project is in chaos. Why is that? Boss: Maybe he's been colluding with our Elbonian competitors. But that's just a guess. CEO: I can't unhear that.

Wally Waits For Information

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Wally Waits For Information - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #procrastination, #laziness, #work ethic, #deception

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Wally: Should I start working on my project now or wait until I have more information. Boss: When you put it that way, I guess you should wait. Dilbert: Isn't there always "more" information to be had? Wally: Don't ruin this for me.

Estimate Of Timeline

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Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

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Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

View From Thirty Thousand Feet

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View From Thirty Thousand Feet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #distance, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #buzzwords, #guidance

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Boss: What's the view on this from thirty thousand feet? Alice: From that distance, everything we do is meaningless. Boss: Then how do we know what to do? Alice: I guess we ruled out "leadership."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

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Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Can We Borrow An Apron

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Can We Borrow An Apron  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #pr, #public relations, #appearances, #homeless, #soup kitchen, #shelter

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Dogbert: We're here to get a photo of my client serving food to the homeless. Man: We don't need any help. Dogbert: In that case, can we borrow an apron and a spoon? Man: Um... I guess so. Dogbert: And can you wipe some gruel on the apron?

If We Are Off By One Percent

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If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

Two Hour Summary

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Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

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Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.

Both Huge Liars

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Both Huge Liars - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #dating, #tinder, #app, #relationships, #lying, #deceit

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Dilbert: You don't look like your photos on the dating app. Woman: Your profile said you like to go to the gym. So I guess we're both huge liars. Dilbert: Maybe we can build on that.