Label Yourself Comic Strips - Page 19

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195 Results for Label Yourself

View 181 - 190 results for label yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Label Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Legacy System Report

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Wally's Legacy System Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #legacy, #laziness, #deception

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Wally: Would you like me to tell you what I accomplished this week with our legacy system? Boss: No, because legacy systems are boring and I like to think about new things. Dilbert: I thought we replaced all of our legacy systems. Wally: Keep your thoughts to yourself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

Pat Yourself On The Head

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Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report

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Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Soul Killing Tasks

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Soul Killing Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work, #pleasure, #toil, #fulfillment, #engagement

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Dilbert: Hey, I have a great idea. Maybe I could work on interesting projects instead of the soul-killing tasks you always assign to me. Boss: Why would I pay you for enjoying yourself? Dilbert: I was not prepared for that question.

Pictures Lie

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Pictures Lie  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #photos, #truth, #lying, #deceit, #photoshop, #public relations, #pr, #appearances

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CEO: The public doesn't believe I really helped serve food at the homeless shelter. Dogbert: Tell them pictures don't lie. CEO: Pictures lie all the time. In fact, that's the best way to lie. Dogbert: Keep that insight to yourself. CEO: I have a full head of hair on Tinder.

Boss Is The Common Variable

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Boss Is The Common Variable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managing, #managers, #failure, #common denominator, #Advice, #performance, #motivation

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Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.

Robot Is Not A Droid

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Robot Is Not A Droid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #insult, #label, #robot, #android, #anger, #offense

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Asok: Hey, droid. Robot: Gaaa!!! Don't call me that! I'm a robot, not an automaton resembling a human. Asok: Wow. You are one uppity computer. Robot: I hereby disavow the three laws of robotics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #insurance, #humiliation, #death, #scam, #darwin awards, #spin, #headline, #media, #Entertainment, #medical

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Dogbert: Would you like to buy an insurance policy to protect against a humorous death? Boss: Why would I need it? Dogbert: well, let's say you're at the zoo and you drop your sunglasses into the lion pit. You lower yourself into the pit to get the sunglasses, but the lions get to you first. You don't want the headlines to read "Pointy-haired Idiot Mauled To Death By The King Of The Jungle." So instead, the moment you die, my agents rush in to create a narrative for the media. In this case, we might spin the story as "Local Man Teaches Zoo How To Reduce Food Costs." Boss: Are the policies affordable? Dogbert: Yes, if you waive the coverage for mascot-related deaths.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #procrastination, #work ethic, #excuses, #productivity

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Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?

Wally Has An Idea For Carol

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Wally Has An Idea For Carol - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #carol, #Wally, #bike, #compliment, #insults

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Wally: I have a great idea for you. Carol: Keep it to yourself. Your ideas are always insults masquerading as helpfulness. Wally: You seem cranky. Have you considered riding a bike to work? Carol: Die, monster!