Ted Comic Strips - Page 19
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Character
448 Results for Ted
View 181 - 190 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday December 03,
2002
Tags weasel of layoffs, experience, histiate, defects, list of defects
Transcript
The hooded weasel approaches Ted's desk and says, "Hell-o-o-o Ted. I'm the weasel of layoffs." The weasel of layoffs continues, "If there's any way I can make this experience more humiliating, don't hesitate to ask." Ted exclaims, "Why, why me??!!" The weasel responds. "I'll tape a list of defects to your old chair."
Saturday April 19,
2003
Tags training, worlds longest joke, criminally abusive, behavior and fun, fine line behaviors
Transcript
The Boss is meeting with an employee. The Boss says, "So Ted has been training you for the past six months." The Boss continues, "Based on your work, I'd say he's playing the world's longest practical joke on you." The employee is visibly angry. He approached Ted. Ted says, "Sometimes there's a fine line between criminally abusive behavior and fun."
Wednesday April 30,
2003
Tags embezzelment, explain revenue, layoffs, sacrificing, worse than you, co worker
Transcript
Dogbert is standing on Dilbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can survive the next round of layoffs by sacrificing a co- worker." Dogbert continues, "You must make your boss believe that someone is a worse employee than you." Dilbert is at a meeting. He turns to Ted and says, "Ted, let me explain revenue: it's like your embezzlement, but it's directed at customers."
Sunday July 27,
2003
Tags surplussed ted, absorb function, 2 jobs one salary, absorb his funtion, osmosis, symbiosis, syneregy, key learning, tragic series, monkey brained
Transcript
"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."
Sunday September 21,
2003
Tags nano bit project, Dilbert, take over, everyone busy, face in allaegators, one cracker a day, cracker time, quitting tomorrow, four problems
Transcript
Alice: "I don't have time to work on the nanobit project." The Boss: "No problem. Tell Dilbert I said he should take over." Two minutes later Dilbert: "I'm way, way too busy." The Boss: "Fine. Tell Wally to do it." Two minutes later. Wally: "I'm up to your face in alligators!" The Boss: "Okay, okay... hand it off to Asok." Two minutes later. Asok: "But already I only have time to eat one cracker a day." The Boss: "Tell Ted I said.." Ted: "Sure, I'll do it. No problem." Asok: "Mmm.. cracker time." Ted: "I'm quitting tomorrow." The Boss: "I solved four problems today!"
Tuesday October 07,
2003
Tags tuesday, need by tuesday, agreement, yelling now, unreliable
Transcript
Dilbert: "I absolutely need your input by Tuesday." Ted: "Ok." Dilbert: "Considering that you're massively unreliable, I'd like to save time by yelling at you now." "YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT BY TUESDAY!!!" Ted: "Umm.. I was too busy."
Thursday October 09,
2003
Tags management retreat, hawaii, how many employees, down size, pay of trip, against helicopter ride
Transcript
The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."
Saturday October 11,
2003
Tags top down budget, bottom up budget, ignorance, cruelty, lying, optimism, cancel, wasted hour
Transcript
Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"
Sunday October 19,
2003
Tags budget for research and development, confidential, witty, appreciation, laugh, teeth fall out
Transcript
Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."
Sunday November 09,
2003
Tags company t shirt, not for temps, contractors, vendors, not size, downsized, leftover garage rags, morale
Transcript
The Boss: Everyone gets a company shirt! Its good for morale. The Boss: opps! Not for temps. None for contractors. Not for vendors. Nothing in your size. Not for people who might get down sized on Friday. I'lluse the leftovers as garage rags. CatBert: Did the shorts improve morale? The Boss: Sure did! I feel great!


