After Tax Earnings Comic Strips - Page 19

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View 181 - 190 results for after tax earnings comic strips. Discover the best "After Tax Earnings" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #your age, #talking to youth, #pleasure of flesh, #not getting it, #sought victory

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Wally: "When I was your age, Asok, I too sought the thrill of victory and the pleasure of the flesh." "But after twenty years of not getting either one, I made convenience my new mistress." "You know why I like talking to you?" Asok: "Because I am a good listener?" "No, because you're here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product development, #brain storm ideas, #boredom, #chocolate cake, #after lunch, #roast beef mittens

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Product development The boss: first we'll cover the walls with brain storm ideas. How about something that turns boredom into chocolate cake? The Boss: I should have done this after lunch. Roast beef mittens?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #had coccyx removed, #unnecessary body parts, #removed, #brain, #care, #tonsils

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Dilbert: Where were you last week? Wally: I had my coccyx removed. Im having all of my unnecessary parts removed so I can get time off from work. Dilbert: How about the part of your brain that makes you care about others? Wally: its on the list after tonsils.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #girlfriend, #two probelms, #looks, #personlaity, #extreme makeover, #fascinated by new person, #9 good tsories, #social liability, #relationships

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Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #vacation, #yelling, #bad impression, #nothing right, #work to death, #late for interview

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The Boss: You're an hour late for a job interview. woman: You're working me to death! Im only one person! I need a vacation! The Boss: you're supposed to say that stuff after I are you. woman: OOO suddenly I can't do anything right?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ebitda, #acronyms, #made up

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"Hey, Dilbert, what are you doing for the Ebitda today?" "The what?" "Ebitda means the earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and um... Ammonia." "Are you sure about ammonia?" "Why must you be so accretive?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attend meeting, #mandatory meeting, #meeting mandatory, #approval, #bending rules, #handed out cash

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"Can I talk to you after the mandatory meeting?" "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't give you approval to attend that meeting." "The meeting is mandatory." "Approval is mandatory too." "Okay, whatever." "May I go to the mandatory meeting?" "All requests must be in writing." "It's mandatory!!! Man-duh-tory!!!" "If people start bending the rules, before long, murder will be legal." "That was the finest mandatory meeting I've ever attended! They handed out cash!" "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extreme makeover, #buisness, #Dogbert, #rework a face, #plastic surgery, #scary, #human makeover, #ears, #antlers

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Dogbert: "I'm going into the extreme makeover business." "I'm planning to take it to the next level." "You'd look good with antlers." "And the nose has to go." Man: "Go?" "Your tiny ears are out of proportion." "These are ears." "I'll also rearrange your fat so you can't see it." "I'll toss in a few extras after you're unconscious, no charge." "Guess how old I am."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market budget, #horse purchase, #top thoroughbread, #broke leg, #starting gate, #shot horse, #sponger sailboat, #lunch, #roast beef sandwhich, #piece of lead

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"Our director of marketing will give us an update." "We spent our entire marketing budget buying a racehorse." "We named the horse after our flagship product because they're both fast, get it?" "Unfortunately we didn't have enough budget for a top thoroughbred." "Our horse broke its leg walking to the starting gate, so we shot it." "Next year we plan to sponsor a sailboat." "Anyway, your lunch today is brought to you by the marketing department." "Enjoy." "Hey, my roast beef sandwich has a piece of lead in it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feet off desk, #random mangement, #stock rise, #so random, #commands

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The Boss: "Take your feet off the desk." Dilbert: "Is this an example of random management or do you think it will make our stock rise?" The Boss: "It's up .02%. Heh-heh-heh, not so random after all."