Can't Control Weather Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

248 Results for Can't Control Weather

View 181 - 190 results for can't control weather comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Control Weather" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorant employees, #controls information, #board of directors, #appointed emperor, #escape key

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #find people, #laugh nervously, #smack with flyswatter, #wouldn't be hobby, #no reason

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch, pointing the remote control at the tv. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch wearing a backpack and holding a fly swatter. He says, "Wish me luck." Dilbert says, "For what?" Dogbert waves the swatter and says, "I'm going to find people who laugh nervously every time they talk. Then I'll smack them with my flyswatter." Dogbert walk away. Dilbert says, 'And the reason would be?" Dogbert says, "It wouldn't be a hobby if it had a reason."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two hour meeting, #friday night, #tina, #no personal life, #useless meetings, #void, #insane, #have a meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina tells Dilbert and Wally, "I scheduled a two-hour T.H.N.P.L. meeting for seven o'clock on Friday night." Tina explains, "T.H.N.P.L stands for 'Tina has no personal life.' I'm scheduling useless meetings to fill the void in my life." Dilbert says, "Tina, this is insane." Tina asks, "Are you suggesting we have a meeting to discuss it? Is Saturday okay?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flashback, #practical joke, #college kid, #bushel of money, #photographers

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Flashback: Dogbert and the World's Smartest Garbage Man invent the first Web browser as a practical joke." Dogbert reads a newspaper and his ears fly up in surprise. The garbage man says, "It's out of control." Dogbert says, "I wonder what will happen to that college kid we framed." The garbage man says, "He'll be okay." The carrying a stack of money man asks, "Where would you like this bushel of money?" A college boy replies, "Stack it next to the photographers." A hairdresser combs his hair.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #first salesperson, #noah, #sell ark, #animals, #yacht, #sales babble, #disguise motives, #pioneered lame joke, #weather, #reach quota, #blaming engineering, #greatest innovation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training course, #night, #won't miss work, #immortal abuse, #mutual investment, #fist of death, #vending machines

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "I'm sending you to a training course that runs at night so you won't miss any work." The Boss continues, "It might seem like an immoral abuse of my power, but I like to call it 'a mutual investment in your career.'" Alice clenches her teeth and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." The Boss says, "And they have vending machines if you get hungry!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pig with wig, #paid for bride, #send back, #mail order bride

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally tells Dilbert, ". . . So my Elbonian mail-order bride turns out to be a pig with a wig." Dilbert says, "What a rip-off." Dilbert says, "You're taking this well. I'd be mad if I paid for a bride and then I had to pay to send her back." They sit down at the table to eat lunch. Dilbert says, "You did send her back . . ." Wally offers Dilbert a sandwich and says, "B.L.T.?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #input, #fist of death, #corporate culture, #find cause, #caused by managers, #culture problem

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Alice, I'd like your input on something." Alice thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My intuition is activating the fist of death. Must . . . Control . . ." They sit at a conference table and the Boss says, "Our corporate culture is bad." The Boss continues, "I'm trying to find the cause." Alice replies, "Well, obviously the problem isn't caused by managers who have no self-awareness . . . So what could it be?" Alice continues, "The culture problem must be coming from the other direction. Some EMPLOYEE must be causing this problem!" Alice continues, "I think it's the guy in the mail room. His bad culture is infecting the rest of us." The Boss stands in the mail room. A man says, "If this is about that conference room full of mail, I don't know how it got there."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 year anniversary, #service anniversary catalog, #ceremony, #speech, #pick out gift, #catalogue, #golf ball, #t shirt

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol tells Wally, "Today is your ten-year anniversary, Wally." Carol says, "Pick a gift from the service anniversary catalog." Wally asks, "Is there a ceremony?" Carol replies, "Yeah. We just had it." Wally asks, "May I say a few words?" Carol replies, "Anywhere but here." Wally looks through the catalog and tells Dilbert, "The selection of gifts at the ten-year level is somewhat meager." Dilbert says, "The golf ball is nice." Wally says, "I'm leaning toward the 'I'm with stupid' shirt." Dilbert says, "All I see is a blank shirt." Wally says, "It comes with a fabric pen." Dilbert says, "I can almost feel the love our company has for us." Wally asks, "What do you mean 'us'?"