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The Boss says, "We need more of what the management experts call 'Employee engagement.'" The boss says, "I don't know the details, but it has something to do with you idiots working harder for the same pay." Dilbert says, "Is anything different on your end?" The boss says, "I think I'm supposed to be happier."
Dogbert the CEO Man says, "Consumer confidence is up, and that means more people will buy our products." Dogbert says, "I'm off to make random management changes so I can take credit for the improved economy." Dilbert says, "It's working?" The Boss says, "Sales are up!"
the Boss says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with Ted on this project." Alice says, "Ted's a drama queen. Working with him will just slow me down." Ted says, "Hello? Human resources? Alice is being a bully." Alice says, "And so it begins."
The Boss says, "Carol, I'd like to talk to you about your career goals." Carol says, "My career goal is to take over the department by tricking you into a fatal accident, then telling everyone you're just working from home." The boss says, "That's not right." Carol says, "So you're saying I should set my goals low?"
Dilbert says, "We replaced our styrofoam cups with paper cups, but it's not so clear that it helps the planet." The boss says, "We didn?t do it to help the planet. We did it to look like the sort of company that cares about that sort of thing." DIlbert says, "Oh. In that case it's working great." The boss says, "As soon as you stop whining."
Dilbert says, "Hi. My name is?" Woman says, "Whoa! Whoa! Not in person!" Woman says, "I only meet men through online dating sites. That way I can filter out the losers." Dilbert says, "Too crazy too fast." Woman says, "I know. I'm working on that."
Catbert says, "Asok, we need to cut your pay again. But maybe you could get a second job." Asok the intern says, "Second???" Asok the intern says, "I am already doing freelance I.T. support?and donating blood?and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`
The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new director of marketecture." The boss says, "He's in charge of preventing customers from realizing what they're buying." the boss says, "It's legal because we're only violating the intent of the law." man says, "I can do a thousand push-ups when no one is looking."
Dogbert says, "Yikes!" Dilbert says, "Don't be frightened by my green clothing." Dilbert says, "I'll be working at home today. Thus reducing carbon emissions." Dilbert says, "My telepresence meeting will only display me from here up." Dilbert says, "By reducing the amount of material in my garment I can use less soap and water on laundry day." Dilbert says, "And the extra freedom of movement will allow me to mouse more efficiently." Dogbert says, "This has to stop. I'll be back in a few minutes." Dilbert says, "Did you use my shaver?" Dogbert says, "Yes, and I will trim myself daily until you start dressing right."
Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, "Please listen while I read this threatening script." Dilbert says, "I have hidden poisonous spiders in your home. If you pay us now by credit card I will give you the antidote." Dilbert says, "Okay, fine" Dilbert says, "But if you feel a tickle on your leg, give me a call."