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The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."
Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."
Wally tells Dilbert, "I read somewhere that certain religions require their initiates to perform pointless never-ending tasks to rid them of their egos." Wally and Dilbert look at each other. Wally and Dilbert bow in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss thinks, "What now?"
A bald man says into the telephone, "Hello, is this the 'Help Desk'?" Dogbert wears a headset and sits at a computer. He replies, "No, that group got reengineered out of existence." Dogbert continues, "I'm the new 'No Help Whatsoever Desk.' My job is to make sure you never call again." The man asks, "Can you tell me how to make a pie chart?" Dogbert replies, "Crush your computer into small chunks, add flour and bake one hour." Dogbert continues, "While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named 'Manual.'" Dogbert continues, "Repeat the process until you get the desired result." The man sits next to an oven reading an instruction manual. He thinks, "This lost a LOT in the translation."
Dogbert says to Alice, "I've been hired by your company to perform an ISO 9000 audit." Looking at his laptop PC, Dogbert says, "Basically, you give me money and I tell you that you're a bunch of dolts. It's the perfect job for me." Dogbert continues, "Tell me what you do here, Alice, if that's your real name." Alice replies, "I'm an engineer. I make slides that people can't read. Sometimes I eat donuts."
The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan 'Act like you own the company.'" Wally continues, "This morning I fired the marketing department and had security escort them out." The Boss replies, "That's not exactly what we had in mind . . ." As a security guard taps on the Boss's shoulder, Wally says, "Fortunately I anticipated your reaction."
The Boss says to Ratbert, "My inspirational posters aren't working. I need to do some animal research, Ratbert." Ratbert answers, "Ready!!" The Boss holds up the poster and asks, "In this beautiful scene we see a mighty eagle swooping down to capture its prey. What is your reaction?" Ratbert shakes in fear. The Boss thinks, "I think it's working." Ratbert screams, "Run for it, mom!!!"
The Boss walks by and Dilbert says to him, "Please don't promise the product manager more than we can deliver." The product manager says to the Boss, "We need a totally new software interface in one month." The Boss replies, "You got it!" The woman continues, "And rewrite the operating system so we dominate the industry." The Boss says, "Concurrent development. Check." The woman thinks, "Suddenly I feel omnipotent." She stands up and says, "I want all new hardware, anti-gravity packaging, holographic agents . . ." The Boss yawns. The manager asks, "Can your team really do that in a month?" The Boss replies, "Let me get their reaction." The Boss shows Wally a document. Wally screams and his skull pops out of his mouth. Wally lies on the floor twitching. The Boss says, "Pessimism will not look good on your permformance review."
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "That's an interesting suggestion, Wally. But if it's a good idea, why aren't other companies doing it?" Waving his hands wildly, Wally yells angrily, "Can you imagine in your WILDEST dreams that maybe, just MAYBE I had a good idea that nobody else thought of?!!" The Boss comments, "You must have seen it in a book." Wally says, "Thanks for the confidence in my abilities." Dilbert interjects, "You read a book?"
Liz and Dilbert are seated beneath a tree reading books. She asks him, "What did you bring to read?" Dilbert responds, "It's a book of tips for my new computer golf game." Liz comments, "So . . . you're reading a book . . . about a computer simulation . . . of an activity that's ALMOST a sport . . ." Liz continues, "That's about as close as you can get to being a non-organic life form." Dilbert says, "This chapter is about driving the little cart."