911 Inside Job Comic Strips - Page 19

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View 181 - 190 results for 911 inside job comic strips. Discover the best "911 Inside Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disloyal ingrate, #evil dircetor, #inform boss, #internal job open, #new policy

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CatBert: "Evil H.R. Director." "New policy: You must inform your boss before applying for an internal job opening." "PURRRRRRRRR." The Boss: "Well, good luck, you disloyal, back-stabbing ingrate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guest cartoonist, #nildo orbfutz, #consulting, #welocme, #breakroom, #on the job training

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"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #jobs, #want job your job, #falling out of trees, #dime a dozen, #intimidation, #job on line, #idle threats

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The Boss: The woods are full of people who want your job. These days you can't shake a tree without three or four engineers falling out. Id love to stay and chat but I need to go motivate the other headcounts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career counseling, #mad about downsized, #involves punching, #kicking, #resume, #alice, #seeking job

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Career Counseling. Dogbert: "Apparently you're still mad about being downsized." "According to your resume, you're seeking a job that involves 'punching a short, stocky guy with pointy hair.'" "Is that the only job you'd consider?" Alice: "I also like kicking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make ted quit, #aggressive replacement, #share resources, #job unbearable, #pants, #in same pants

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The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ytransferred, #new job, #secretary job eliminated, #masive incompetence, #resentment, #anger, #splitting mad, #offers new job

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The Boss: "Carol, two things: First, I got transferred to a new job, and that means your job here is eliminated." Carol: "Why must I suffer for your massive incompetence? You worthless pile of stinking crud!" "And the second thing?" The boss: "I'll need a secretary at the new job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enjoyable job, #complaining spouse, #enjoy being at work

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Dilbert: How can I make my job more enjoyable? Garbageman: Get a spouse who complains a lot and then have a few kids. Dilbert: Thats sound awful. Garbageman: you won't believe how much you enjoy being at work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job application, #increase workload, #performance becomes average, #excel

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Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #last job, #sued last job, #poor judegment, #job interview, #business

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The Boss: Why did you leave your last job? They told me that I have incredibly poor judgment. So I sued them

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #vacation, #yelling, #bad impression, #nothing right, #work to death, #late for interview

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The Boss: You're an hour late for a job interview. woman: You're working me to death! Im only one person! I need a vacation! The Boss: you're supposed to say that stuff after I are you. woman: OOO suddenly I can't do anything right?