Average Person Comic Strips - Page 19

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283 Results for Average Person

View 181 - 190 results for average person comic strips. Discover the best "Average Person" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Hello, tech support, my computer is frozen." "Try hanging up and slamming your hand in a drawer." "How's work?" "My average call time is down and my job satisfaction is up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian branch, #in my own country, #see you inperson, #mud, #work long hours, #wear dockers

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The Boss: I'll be managing the Elbonian branch office but I'll be based in my own country. "I'll never see you in person but I want you all to work long hours and wear Dockers." "What is he doing?" Elbonian: "Sometimes we use mud to muffle laughter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fly to austin, #customer, #call big cutsomers, #go inperson, #telephone, #show you care, #concept of phone

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Dilbert sits at the Boss' desk in his office and the Boss says to him, "Fly to Austin and answer some questions for a big customer." Dilbert asks, "Doesn't this customer have a telephone?" The Boss replies in shock as he thrusts his arms out to the side. "You don't call big customers!" Obviously confused, Dilbert aks "Um...why not?" In an exasperated voice, The Boss replies "You have to go in person to show that you care." Still not catching on, Dilbert replies "Actually, that would show that I didn't understand the concept of the telephone.? Now completely disgusted, The Boss replies "Just go." Dilbert is now sitting at a table with Ted who holds a phone in his hand and asks, "Do they have these where you come from?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #password recovery, #basic, #123, #guessed, #average, #spooky

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Dogbert's password recovery service for morons The Boss: I don't remember my password. Dogcart: Is it '123'?" The Boss: That's just spooky.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #angry, #hateful creature, #hope, #interviews, #job interview, #managers & supervisors, #monster, #optimisim, #smile, #toxic work place, #business

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Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fear, #inventions, #machine learning, #track customers, #machines take over, #annihilate all humans

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CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #stock market, #hedge fund compnay, #investment fund, #misleading claims, #3 week period, #money

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Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #blame, #boss, #disater, #fault, #new software, #recommended against, #responsible

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Alice: The new software is a disaster. The Boss: They why did you recommend it? Alice: This software is your idea. I recommended against it! So who's fault is it? The Boss: The person with the unpersuasive recommendations?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smart garbageman, #again soul, #someone less fortunate, #flowers on grave, #grave speaks

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Dilbert: The world's smartest garbage man says I need to help someone less fortunate to regain my soul. Ratbert: Don't look at me. I'm happier than a tickled clam. Dilbert: I brought you some flowers, dead person. Dead person: I don't need 'em I'm good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crs database, #sibs data base, #wrong data

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The Boss says, "Use the CRS database to size the market." Dilbert says, "That data is wrong." The Boss says, "Then use the sibs database." Dilbert says, "That data is also wrong." The Boss says, "Can you average them?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I can multiply them too."