Bad Winner Comic Strips - Page 19

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692 Results for Bad Winner

View 181 - 190 results for bad winner comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Winner" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business

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Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #duel, #angry, #fight, #send link, #winner, #arms up, #cell phone, #technology, #engineering

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How Engineers Duel Dilbert says, "Your data are weak." Engineer says, "Make your move!" Dilbert says, "I'm sending you a link!" Engineer says, "I'm sending you three links!" Dilbert says, "I don't have time for this." Engineer says, "Winner!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Opinion, #bad decision, #consistency, #coworker, #confused

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Coworker says, "Would you like my opinion on how you should handle that?" Dilbert says, "Sure, I'll just try to ignore the fact that your entire career has been a colorful tapestry of bad decisions." Coworker says, "So? yes?" Dilbert says, "I admire your consistency."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #front, #media, #bad, #slave labor, #elbonia, #make products, #cave, #chain, #water, #Entertainment, #business

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The Boss says, "We're getting some heat from the media for using Elbonian slave labor ot build our products." The Boss says, "I've been trying to tell the media that it's not as bad as it sounds." ELBONIA Elboanian says, "Now I'll be the slave and you be the oppressor!" Elbonian 2 says, "No!!! Not yet!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #heart attack, #bad boss, #swedish study, #fall over, #feet up, #dead, #surprise, #business

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Wally says, "A Swedish study in 2009 showed that people with bad bosses had 40% more heart attacks." Coworker says, "Aaak!!!" Wally says, "I should want you that I'll probably tell this story a few times."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #new server, #corrupt operating system, #bad server, #recover data, #reinstall, #redeploy it, #blindingly obvious, #alternative is chaos, #chaos as good, #business

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The Boss says, "Build a new server to replace the one with the corrupt operating system." Dilbert says, "That's what I'm doing right now." The Boss says, "Recover the data from the bad server and put it on the new one." Dilbert says, "That's the whole point." The Boss says, "Then see if you can reinstall the operating system on the old one and redeploy it." Dilbert says, "Do you have any instructions that are not blindingly obvious?" The Boss says, "This is called managing. The alternative is chaos." Dilbert says, "How did you just make chaos sound like a good thing?" The Boss says, "You should test the new server." Dilbert says, "Seriously, can we try the chaos thing?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #lawyer, #feels wrong, #research, #harvard law degree, #feelingl, #greasy food and ignorance, #data, #harvard degree over cheeseburger, #bad mood, #science, #legal

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Boss: This doesn't feel right. Dilbert: It came straight from our lawyer. Boss: It just feels wrong. Can you research it a little more? Dilbert: Sure. I can do that research in my head. Let's see... our lawyer got his degree at Harvard and has twenty years in this exact field. Whereas you have a "feeling" that is probably the result of an unholy combination of greasy food and ignorance. The data clearly favors the Harvard Law degree over the cheeseburger. ... Good luck. He's in a bad mood.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #hr person, #evil director, #bad attitude, #project, #corpse of misery, #donated brain, #gum museum, #mental imbalance, #clarity, #irrational, #employee moral festival, #won meeting, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss takes credit, #self loathing, #blame, #taking credit, #desparate, #good idea, #bad idea

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CEO: Who thought of this idea? The Boss: I came up with it all by myself. My subordinates, who have a healthy fear of losing their jobs, had nothing to do with it. Right? Wally: We're not worth the oxygen we breathe. Dilbert: I don't even know why I'm here. CEO: I asked because it's an awful idea. The Boss: You said I was stealing credit for a good idea, you lying liar!! CEO: Oh, wait. I read it wrong. This is actually a great idea. The Boss: Thanks. I know it was a winner when I thought of Dilbert: You gave him a good idea? Wally: Not intentionally. It must have been a typo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer technical question, #bad actor, #best person, #fake own death, #helping customer, #insult dead, #just a quick question, #polite, #safest course, #work that divison, #commercial sales

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A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."