Ear End Comic Strips - Page 19

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261 Results for Ear End

View 181 - 190 results for ear end comic strips. Discover the best "Ear End" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicion, #decisons, #office, #options, #blame later, #evil, #record on phone. boss, #work

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Dilbert: I need a decision of this by end of business today. Boss: Which option do you recommend? Dilbert: Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. You're trying to set me up to take the blame later. I want to hear you make a decision, and I'm going to record it on my phone so you don't later deny it. Talk, you evil monster! Talk! All I know for sure is that the other approach wasn't going to work either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #employee survey, #respect and dignity, #feel gross, #disgust, #paper towel

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Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #execution, #innovation, #full time job, #excellence, #inspired, #died on inside, #coffee and resentment, #chemical formula for hatred, #drilled employees

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Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delusional sociopath, #executives, #gardener, #goat writing autobiograohy, #hallucinations, #hard work, #intuition, #magical thinking, #non-fiction, #vision, #regrets

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Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #internet & world wide web, #video, #echo, #background noise, #thick accent, #hard to hear, #bad audio, #computer, #skype, #waving goodbye, #success, #technology

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Dilbert: I can't hear you. There's too much background noise and echo in your end. Computer: Gerple Murmp. Dilbert: I see a smudgy thing that might be your head, but I don't know what you're saying. Your accent is too thick. I can't... Computer: Muwa flamel guapen. Dilbert: I didn't understand what you said, and I can't tell which one of you is talking. Why don't... Computer: Urgam... Dilbert: Okay, you go. Computer: Ekplum. Dilbert: What? Computer: Mungow. Dilbert: Did you say... Computer: Plurb. Dilbert: You're acting as if I agreed to something, but I don't even know what the topic is. I see you waving goodbye, so you must think we're done. Boss: Was your call a success? Dilbert: Better than anything I've done all week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #board of directors, #underling, #powerpoint, #slides, #preoccupied, #day jobs, #mistresses, #bonus, #meeting, #ceo, #all in favor, #business

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CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #inflation rate, #billion percent, #potato, #philmsk, #bardley

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The news says, "The inflation rate in Elbonia climbed to a billion percent." An Elbonian says, "Quickly hand me the potato and I'll tell my cousin in Phlimsk to let go of the other end of my money." Another Elbonian says, "Make it snappy." The first Elbonian says, "Bradley! I have the potato!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trash, #garbage man, #soul, #shamwow, #suck, #wrong, #towel over head, #steal

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Asok says, "The word on the street is that you can help me get my soul back." Garbage man says, "Souls are totally fungible. Use this shamwow to absorb someone else's soul while you suck on the other end." Asok thinks, "Why does this suddenly seem so wrong?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #matrix management, #neo, #earbuds, #ipod, #computer, #powerpoint, #die, #scared, #technology

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Wally says, "This is where you jack into matrix management, Neo." Wally says, "Insert these iPod ear buds and fire up PowerPoint. The reality you once knew is gone." Wally says, "One more thing: If your computer dies during powerpoint, your career dies in the real world."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #meeting, #the end, #apathy, #hate, #questions, #business

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Dilbert says, "That's my plan. I'd like to thank all of you for your utter apathy." Dilbert says, "A few of your stayed awake, and I think I got some accidental eye contact once when the A.C. made a noise." Dilbert says, "In conclusion, I hate my job, I hate my coworkers, and I hope feral cats eat every one of you." Coworker says, "Are you taking questions?"