Goal Set Comic Strips - Page 19

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220 Results for Goal Set

View 181 - 190 results for goal set comic strips. Discover the best "Goal Set" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #fusion powered robot, #speed of light, #budget, #micromanaged, #leadership, #needy followers, #business

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Boss: Great leaders set high standards and stay out of the way. So... I want you to build a fusion-powered robot that can run faster than the speed of light! While you're doing that, I'll be staying out of your way. You won't see or hear from me. I won't even respond to email. Dilbert: Is there a budget for this impossible project? Boss: Sheesh! Look who needs to be micromanaged! Now I can't go hide. You've ruined my leadership! Boss: It's hard to be a great leader when all of my followers are so needy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #obliviousness, #million units, #customers happy, #our goals, #their goals, #this quarter

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CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good

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Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #work ethic, #managers should hire, #clear expectations, #micromanaging, #employee engement, #business

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Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #how-to, #snobbishness, #book on success, #hard work, #wise decisions, #being lucky, #lazy and dumb

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CEO: I need you to co-author a book on success with me. The goal is to make readers believe success comes from hard work and wise decisions. So instead of hating me for being lucky, they will hate themselves for being lazy and dumb. Dogbert: And for buying your book?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #frankness, #goals, #honesty, #managers, #root cause, #bad parenting, #pointy headed boos, #underlings, #rapidly evolving nature, #talented employee, #boss life story

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Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

Single Dilbert Is Valuable

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Single Dilbert Is Valuable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #dating, #low standards, #Men, #market value, #single guy, #low bar, #tall, #employed, #height, #relationships

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Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #dishonest, #dishonesty, #honest, #honesty, #lying, #reverse psychology, #trick, #trickery, #noteworthy, #hide evil, #verbal assault, #easiest lie, #set up

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Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.

Ceo Returns From The Afterlife

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Ceo Returns From The Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #afterlife, #angel, #ceos, #demon, #evil, #executives, #good, #good vs. evil, #returning from the dead

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CEO: I returned from the afterlife and I'm taking back my job as CEO. Dilbert: So... you're an angel? CEO: I set all of the thermostats to 140 degrees. Let's see how long it takes you to answer your own question.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoy people, #frustration, #packaging, #product design, #sadism, #software, #torture, #product code, #engineering

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!