Increase Sales Comic Strips - Page 19
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247 Results for Increase Sales
View 181 - 190 results for increase sales comic strips. Discover the best "Increase Sales" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 28,
2012
Tags #despair, #prices, #social media expert, #fee, #pay scale, #popcorn, #meeting, #hope left body, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert
Wednesday January 16,
2013
Tags #fear, #change is good, #don't fear change, #sickness and death, #alarming symptoms
Transcript
Boss: Do not fear change because change is good. Dilbert: Actually, studies show that any big changes in a person's life vastly increase the odds of sickness and death. Wally: Are you trying to kill us? Dilbert: I can't feel my arm!
Thursday January 17,
2013
Tags #business shake, #etiquette & ethics, #handshake, #macaroni and cheese, #moist and squishy
Transcript
Coworker: Hi, I'm Allen, from Sales. Dilbert: Dilbert. Your handshake feels like a wet sock full of macaroni and cheese. It makes me wish we never met. Coworker: Please let go of my hand. Dilbert: It's moist and squishy.
Thursday January 24,
2013
Tags #models, #out of stiock, #credibility, #bait and switch, #tactics, #sales, #technology, #computer, #tablets, #business
Transcript
Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.
Tuesday May 27,
2008
Tags #request, #broken computer, #borrow one, #selfish tools, #coffee stirres
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I didn't work on your request this week because my computer is broken and my company is too cheap to replace it." Dilbert says, "I tried to borrow one, but the people I work with are a bunch of selfish tools." A man says, "Maybe I shouldn't take you on sales calls." Dilbert says, "So I built a tiny fort out of coffee stirrers."
Monday January 18,
2010
Tags #powerpoint, #slides, #presentation, #monkey, #outsource, #pointing, #animals
Transcript
Dilbert says, "If we migrate our enterprise applications to the web, and outsource our sales and product development?" Dilbert says, "The entire company can be managed by one monkey." Dilbert says, "Plus a second monkey to look at the powerpoint slides from the first monkey."
Monday February 08,
2010
Tags #the boss, #dead, #ductwork, #stuck, #meeting, #discuss, #solution, #cool device, #duct pressure, #carcass, #jerry maguire, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss is stuck in our building's ductwork and presumed dead." Dilbert says, "We can alert the proper authorities, or we can design a totally cool device to increase the duct pressure and propel his carcass into the stratosphere." Alice says, "You had me at 'carcass.'"
Thursday April 08,
2010
Tags #pinocchio, #nose grows, #long nose, #doctor, #exam, #stethoscope, #lies, #powerpoint, #proboscis, #nose through head, #pain, #medical
Transcript
Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."
Saturday July 17,
2010
Tags #meeting, #customer, #wear jacket, #lazy, #optimism, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "I'm on my way to a meeting with a prospective customer." Wally says, "We have such a long sales gestation period that the value of my efforts won't be known for two years." Wally says, "Just remember that optimism looks exactly like doing nothing."
Saturday October 23,
2010
Tags #paper, #objective, #toil, #stockholders, #parasite, #managers, #write
Transcript
Dilbert says, "You wrote that your objective for the year is to?" The Boss says, "?Obscurely toil to increase the unearned wealth of our parasitic stockholders." The Boss says, "I'll add 'and managers.'"