Need To Talk Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Need To Talk

View 181 - 190 results for need to talk comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

Consultant Gets No Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Bad Attitude

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #complaining, #employees, #obliviousness, #attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.

Let Me Know If You Need Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Let Me Know If You Need Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #teamwork, #help, #work, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: if you need an help at all, just let me know. employee: i need a lot of help. be here at 8 am and plan to work late. dilbert: this is awkward, but i didn't mean a word of what i said.

Self Actualization

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Self Actualization - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #business, #work, #talk, #listen, #self-actualized

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.

Selling Private Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selling Private Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Need Boss To Make Decision

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #decision, #engineering, #knowledge, #marketing, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Tracking Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body cam, #freedom, #keystrokes, #location, #managers & supervisors, #phone, #report, #status, #technology, #track, #video conference, #work at home, #working

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.

Asok Analysis

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Asok Analysis  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #decision, #managers & supervisors, #numbers, #analysis, #experience, #liars, #department

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: put some numbers on this decision so it looks a if we thought about it longer. asok: are you seriously telling me to do the analysis after the decision? boss: if you need help, talk to one of the experienced liars in the department.

Silencer In Facemask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Silencer In Facemask - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bored, #business, #covid, #face mask, #hear, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #play, #silencer, #talk

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: i installed a silencer in our pointy-haired boss's face mask. now he's the only one who can hear himself talk, but he doesn't know it. here he comes. play along. boss has speech bubble with no words. boss's back is turned and has speech bubble with no words. wally: uh-huh. okay. thanks. and i can do the same thing to the face mask of anyone else who bores me. dilbert has speech bubble with no words. wally: uh-huh.