Needs Can't Fulfill Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

200 Results for Needs Can't Fulfill

View 181 - 190 results for needs can't fulfill comic strips. Discover the best "Needs Can't Fulfill" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok Needs Money And Social Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Needs Money And Social Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ride share, #rideshare, #uber, #driver, #taxi, #job, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I have no social life and I need extra money. What should I do? Wally: You're one Prius away from being an Uber driver. Narrator: Continued.

Elbonians Steal Encryption Software

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Steal Encryption Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #encryption, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #terrorist

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

Boss Needs One Minute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Needs One Minute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attention, #developer, #distraction, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have a minute? Dilbert: Yes. But I don't have the fifteen minutes it will take me to get back into the coding "zone" after your interruption. Boss: I only need one minute. Dilbert: What planet are you from?

Wally Presents His Invention To The Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Presents His Invention To The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #heat, #charger, #phone, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I invented a phone charger that uses its excess heat to keep your coffee warm. CEO: No one needs that. Wally: Hold that thought. CEO: Oh, heck. Wally: It sells itself.

Unforseen Problems

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unforseen Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.

When Clarity Is Not Your Friend

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
When Clarity Is Not Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your project summary needs mare jargon and acronyms. The goal is to make ourselves look smart while making the readers feel dumb. Dilbert: What about clarity? Boss: Clarity is not our friend on this one.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #goals, #employees, #accomplishing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Did you achieve your goals this quarter? Wally: I sure did! Best quarter ever! The Boss: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Wally: What kind of manager has no faith in his employees? You need to trust me to do what needs to be done. The Boss: Um, okay, so... Which goals did you accomplish? Wally: You also need to trust your employees when they say they accomplished their goals. The Boss: I think I see where this is going. Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't.