Speeding Toward Earth Comic Strips - Page 19

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203 Results for Speeding Toward Earth

View 181 - 190 results for speeding toward earth comic strips. Discover the best "Speeding Toward Earth" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #costumes, #deception, #employees, #ordinary workers, #new employee, #best way, #kill boss, #kindness, #strangling w intestines, #business

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Boss: Hello, ordinary workers. I am a new employee just like you. Alice: We're discussing the best way to kill our boss. Boss; You could kill him with kindness. Alice: I'm leaning toward strangling him with his own intestines.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #work ethic, #managers should hire, #clear expectations, #micromanaging, #employee engement, #business

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Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bird poop, #cars, #incentives, #mass transit, #punishment, #worst employee of the month, #special parking spot, #big tree, #every bird, #firemans axe, #wallow in shame, #incentives dont work

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Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #chakras, #compatibility, #dancing, #dating, #yoga, #risk, #guzzle wine, #live music, #chakra energy, #hives, #hate dance, #relationships

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Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Topping Our Of Category

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Topping Our Of Category - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #competition, #hyperbole, #lying, #topping, #sleepless, #kung fu, #divert asteroid, #c=ollison, #collision course

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Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #people, #experience, #psychic, #esp, #sixth sense, #learning, #misanthrope

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Coworker: I'll give you the data tomorrow, Asok. Asok: Thanks, Brad! Urk! Suddenly, I know I will not get that data tomorrow. Dilbert: Why are you so freaked out? Asok: I... I... think I can see the future now. Somehow I know that Brad will not do what he says he will do. Dilbert: That's called "experience." It's the first step toward hating all people. Asok: How can I make it stop? Dilbert: I hear good things about death.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2015's comic on:


Tags #fitness, #competition, #step, #fitbit, #tracker, #technology, #competitive, #exercise, #walking, #Sports, #health

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Wally: According to my fitness tracker, I took 20,000 steps yesterday. Alice: What? That's double what I did. You won't win this! I will run to the ends of the earth to beat your step count! Dilbert: Do you really have a fitness tracker? Wally: No, it looks like a lot of work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #modernity, #reality, #thinking, #frustration, #panic, #existentialism, #existence, #meaning of life

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Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.

Humans Hold Domininion

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Humans Hold Domininion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #humans, #nature, #thermostat, #robots, #technology, #evolution, #fragility

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Dilbert: My brain won't work when the office is warmer than 72. Carol: It has to be at least 74 or I'll freeze. Robot: What's it like to hold dominion over the Earth within a narrow band of temperatures that can't coexist? Dilbert: Was that a joke? Carol: I'm too cold to think?

Be Careful With Anti Encryption Software

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Be Careful With Anti Encryption Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #national security, #privacy, #technology, #encryption, #security, #human error, #secrets

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Dilbert: Here's the flash drive with our anti-encryption software. Don't let it get into the wrong hands or it will eliminate all privacy on Earth. Do you understand? Boss: Blah, blah, software.