Surpasses Last Remnets Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

350 Results for Surpasses Last Remnets

View 181 - 190 results for surpasses last remnets comic strips. Discover the best "Surpasses Last Remnets" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greetings earthlings, #planetary annihilation, #break room, #new coffee stirrers

View Transcript

Transcript

"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #stock market, #innovative pordcuts, #in pipeline, #r&d budget, #firings, #sexy startup, #work smarter, #ironic, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #had coccyx removed, #unnecessary body parts, #removed, #brain, #care, #tonsils

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Where were you last week? Wally: I had my coccyx removed. Im having all of my unnecessary parts removed so I can get time off from work. Dilbert: How about the part of your brain that makes you care about others? Wally: its on the list after tonsils.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #p/u ratio, #sky rocketing, #productivity, #useful, #mistake, #distarction, #backwards

View Transcript

Transcript

"Your P/U ratio is skyrocketing again." "My what?" "Productivity-to-usefulness. It means you produce a lot, but everything you produce is a mistake or a distraction." "I told you last time to do less work!" "Oooh... I did that backwards."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tough negotiator, #deal, #sign contract, #totally different, #conditions, #complained, #borrow, #briefcase, #no one complained

View Transcript

Transcript

A salesman sits with his briefcase across from Dilbert. The salesman says, " a tough negotiator, but I think we have a deal." The salesman hands Dilbert a piece off paper and says, "Just sign the contract and we'll deliver the equipment." Dilbert reads and says, "This contract is totally different from what we agreed." The salesman thinks, "Must act suprised." and says, "Really?" dilbert says, "Why are you spring all these conditions on me at the last minute?" The sales man says, "No onwe has ever complained before." Dilbert says, "Can I borrow your briefcase for a minute?" and takes the briefcase. The salesman says, "Um... okay." dilbert drops the briefcase off a balcony. The salesman says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert says, "No one has complained before."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stressed alice, #role model, #deadlines, #pride, #no ambition, #glory, #new vp, #student ready, #master appear

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in Alice's cubicle with a coffee cup. Alice works at her computer. Wally says, "There is no reason to be stressed, Alice." Wally says, "Allow me to be your role model." Wally says, "I remain calm despite the pressure of impossible deadlines." ALice says, "That's because you have no pride and no ambition!" ALice says, "I've worked day and night to make this deadline!" ALice says, "And when I suceed, the glory will be mine!" Ted pokes his head around the cubicle wall and says, "Our new VP just canceled the project so the last vp would look bad." Wally says, "They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give his presentation, #irrelevant comparisons, #low budget, #development time, #computers faster, #obvious insights

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #topper versus alice, #secret government, #sleep deprived, #slept since febraury, #punch, #rip head, #vulgar

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper versus Alice "I didn't get much sleep last night." "That's nothing." "I'm part of a secret government test on sleep deprivation. I haven't slept since February." "I so want to punch you right now." "That's nothing. I'll rip off my own head and make me eat it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accused of stealing, #computers, #took the fifth, #job interview, #lied, #stole

View Transcript

Transcript

Why did you leave your last job? "They accused me of stealing four computers." "Did they make you confess?" "I took the fifth."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cable, #doesn't attach, #create demand, #young people dancing, #budget cuts

View Transcript

Transcript

Our new product is a cable that doesn't attach to anything. "We hope to create demand via a series of commercials showing young people dancing." "And then we'll all go straight to hell." "He didn't take the last round of budget cuts well."