Ten Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

222 Results for Ten

View 181 - 190 results for ten comic strips. Discover the best "Ten" comics from Dilbert.com.

13 Percent Employees Engaged

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
13 Percent Employees Engaged - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.

Tall People Earn More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tall People Earn More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #discrimination, #fairness, #height, #money, #salary, #wages, #Women, #tall people, #short people, #performance reviews, #height accordingly, #female workers

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

Alice Has Foul Language

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Has Foul Language - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offense, #language, #joke, #jokes, #human resources, #complaint, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina complained that your foul language is creating a hostile work environment. Alice: That's ridiculous. Words are totally harmless. Tell Tina she can... [Ten Seconds Later. The boss is twitching] Okay, I see it now.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

The World Always Needs Bankers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The World Always Needs Bankers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banking, #big business, #college, #crime, #debt, #future, #hope, #job, #money, #robot, #robots, #stealing, #business, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: My son is trying to pick a major for college. Do you have any advice? Dilbert: Well, it will take him fifteen years to pay off his student loans, but most jobs will be replaced by robots in ten. But the world always needs bankers. Carol: We're trying to steer him away from crime.

Wally Drains Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Drains Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #technology, #murder, #killing, #power, #laziness, #work ethic, #weapon

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: You killed ten thousand medical nanorobots by exposure to your bloodstream. That makes you the biggest mass murderer of robots in history. Gaaa!!! Why is my power supply draining so rapidly? Wally: Run.

Robots Continue To Be Flawless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Continue To Be Flawless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #technology, #ego, #intelligence, #artificial intelligence, #competition, #perfection

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: For the hundredth week in a row, I performed my tasks perfectly. Meanwhile, you idiots acted in ways that can only be described as random. Boss: You've had a bad attitude since you beat me on the Turing test. Robot: Ten times out of ten.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #insult, #healing, #doctor, #ego, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #babysitting, #babysitter, #inexperience, #children, #parents, #cell phone, #communication, #Family, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's your mobile number in case I need to reach you while I"m babysitting your kids tonight? Carol: My phone is already turned off so the kids don't ruin my date night by texting every ten minutes. Dilbert: I can't tell if I'm prepared for tonight. Wally: Did you get their address?