Training Expenses Comic Strips - Page 19
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196 Results for Training Expenses
View 181 - 190 results for training expenses comic strips. Discover the best "Training Expenses" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 13,
2017
Being Ineffective
Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills
Transcript
Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?
Monday October 09,
2017
Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating
Tags #negotiating, #catch-22, #conference, #training
Transcript
Dilbert: I need your approval to take a class on negotiating. Boss: See if you can persuade me to approve it. Dilbert: I... don't know how to negotiate yet. Boss: That's the flaw in your plan.
Sunday December 10,
2017
Tags #antisocial, #goals, #achievement, #aspirations, #frustration, #reality
Transcript
Tina: Wally, do you have goals? Wally: My goal is to be an Olympic pole vaulter. Tina: You don't look... Wally: Sporty? Tina: I was going to say healthy. Wally: That's why Olympic pole vaulting is my goal> I wouldn't need a goal to do something easy. Tina: Are you training for it? Wally: No. Tina: You're living in a fantasy world! You'll never get to the Olympics! I can't sit here and listen to this. Dilbert: Looks like you accomplished your goal. Wally: Thanks for noticing.
Sunday April 01,
2018
Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time
Transcript
Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?
Monday April 16,
2018
The Losing Team
Tags #blockchain, #training, #improvement, #legacy, #education, #skills
Transcript
Dilbert: I'd like to work on our blockchain project to keep my skills updated. Boss: I need you to be a team player and maintain our legacy systems until your technical skills become obsolete. Dilbert: What kind of team is that? Boss: You'll be on the losing team.
Monday June 18,
2018
Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday
Tags #negotiation, #irony, #appointment, #deadline, #consultant, #training, #business
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Wednesday November 21,
2018
Bitter Losers
Tags #boss, #idea, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #Promotion
Transcript
Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.
Saturday December 22,
2018
Doomed Humanity To Annihilation
Tags #aliens, #attack, #boss, #communication, #managers & supervisors, #mistake, #office workers, #technology, #laser, #nasa
Transcript
Boss: The laser communication prototype you built for NASA accidentally vaporized the alien ship heading our way. If it got off a message to its home planet, your stupidity has doomed humanity to annihilation. Also, you didn't complete your mandatory training in chair safety.
Thursday March 07,
2019
Dogbert's Self Defense School
Tags #employees, #enemies, #murder, #office workers, #training, #manipulation, #defense
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's school of unconventional self-defense. I'm handing out a list of my personal enemies. Your homework is to kill them before sunrise. Voice: That isn't self-defense. Dogbert: Wow. All you can think about is you, you, you.