2005 Comic Strips - Page 19

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags board meeting, dipping employees, varnish, voted to fire you, 100 million, 1 million year

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert the CEO "The board has learned that you've been dipping employees in varnish and using them as office furniture." "We voted to fire you. Your severence package includes $100 million, the corporate jet, perpetual benefits and a salary of $1 million per year." "Bu-ya!" "He's taking it well."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags failed ceo, worth 100 million, all reverse, head in glass, successful engineer, kind of funny

View Transcript

Transcript

RAtbert: You're a successful engineer and I'm a failed CEO. It's kind of funny that I'm worth $100 million and you're not. " It's funny because it's all reverse of how it should be." Dilbert: "It's funny because your head wouldn't normally fit inside a glass."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags shoddy mistakes, meeting, avoid mistakes, documented process, keep hearing, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "In order to avoid shoddy mistakes, everything we do from now on will be part of a documented process." Wally: "What documented process did you use to decide what documented process to use?" wally: "Or is this one of those shoddy mistakes I keep hearing about?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cubicle, offcie, meeting, privacy, geographically dependant, benchmark test, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Dilbert, come to my office for a minute." Dilbert: "What's in your office?" The boss: "You and I will be there." Dilbert: "If you just want to talk, we can do it right here and save us both some time." The boss: "Maybe we need privacy, did you ever think of that?" Dilbert: "Do we need it?" The Boss: "No, that was just an example. There are many, many reasons why we should talk in my office." Dilbert: "I'll be fascinated to find out what kind of information is geographically dependent." The Boss: "Now, do you have the results from the Benchmark Tests?" Dilbert: "Yup. In my cubicle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flirting, handsome men, sexy men, not for her, mixed blessing

View Transcript

Transcript

"All of my ex-boyfriends were sexy and handsome." "I finally realized that dating sexy, handsome men isn't for me." "I feel a mixed blessing coming my way." "What are you doing for lunch?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating pretty boys, look best, act best, more bread!, knows he can't do better

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm tired of dating pretty boys where I need to look and act my best all the time." "I want a guy who knows he can't do better than me, no matter what I look like." "MORE BREAD!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company lawyer, contract, reasonable man, interpretation, squash, bug

View Transcript

Transcript

"Company Lawyer." "This contract would be subject to a 'reasonable man' interpretation." "Where is this guy? I'll squash him like a bug!" "Okay, moving on..." "It's you! I knew it!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags do something, let you know, spitting on forehead, whats worng

View Transcript

Transcript

"When you do something that I don't like, I'll let you know by cursing and then spitting on your forehead." "Maybe you could just tell me what I did wrong." "#*$@!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags keep spitting, disagree, people, happy, crazy one, men communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you think it's fair that you keep spitting on me just because you disagree with what I say? Girl: why am I the one who always has to change o make there people happy? Dilbert: Because you're the crazy one. girl: Now you're all quiet, why can't men learn to communicate.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers elbow, patting yourself on back, prescription, leptard, cirque du soliel

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: You've got a bad case of manager's elbow. Its caused by patting yourself on the back and covering your butt at the same time. Doctor: I recommend that you doing the cirque du soleil. Im giving you a prescription for a leotard.