Boss Life Story Comic Strips - Page 2

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1000 Results for Boss Life Story

View 11 - 20 results for boss life story comic strips. Discover the best "Boss Life Story" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #financial model, #complicated, #formula errors, #management, #figures support, #schemes for career development, #life is ridiculous

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Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #interviews, #biggest mistake, #learned from t, #old couch, #chewing, #starbucks, #never tell story

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Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents, #patent infringement, #google, #apple, #microsoft, #oracle, #nasa, #astroid, #life span of optimist, #technology

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Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #boss, #conference room, #dum idea, #meetings, #office dynamics, #stimulate innovation, #table

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Boss: What we need is an overarching strategy to stimulate our innovation. Dilbert: Or you could stop smothering the innovation we already have. Boss: That's the dumbest idea I've heard in my entire life. Dilbert: And there it is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #whales, #extinct, #hear, #seeing-eye, #fetch, #paper, #drag, #mammals, #burning, #building

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Dilbert sits at his desk working on the computer. The Boss says, "Sometimes I wonder, how would MY life be different if all whales were extinct?" The Boss continues, "It's not like they do anything for us. You never hear of seeing-eye whales. They can't fetch the paper or drag you out of a burning building . . ." The Boss asks, "Don't you think the world has too many fat, worthless mammals?" Dilbert replies, "I was just thinking that, sir."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #objections, #Funny, #faces, #rambling, #monthly, #daily, #the boss, #Wally, #meetings

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Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and Ted sit at a conference table. Ted says, "If there are no objections, I'd like to make funny faces and tell a long rambling story." Ted continues, ". . . So, then I said 'You want the MONTHLY report, not the DAILY report.' . . . But that got me thinking . . . So . . ." Ted says, "Blah blah blah" and waves his arms. The Boss thinks, "I can top that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #project, #man

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The Boss says to an employee, "Your new project will have no budget and no management support. Expect to spend most of your time giving status reports." The man's head disappears and he thinks, "Oh no! The life force has been drained out of me! I'm becoming a damp rag!!!" Dilbert looks at the floor and says, "That's amazing." The Boss replies, "It's nothing. I did eighteen at once at the employee empowerment brunch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #law firm, #accounting

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Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I'm from the law firm of Dogbert, Dogbert and Dogbert. I'm suing you for draining the life force out of your employees." Dogbert holds a rag and says, "After being drained of life, employees are forced to leave the company. The lucky ones get jobs as rags for a car wash, like Joey Pishkin here." The Boss blows his nose on a rag. Dogbert says to the rag he's holding, "What Joey? That's Marge from accounting???"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1993's comic on:


Tags #alice, #the boss, #worklife balance

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Alice says to the Boss, "I can't keep working these long hours . . . I deserve a family life." The Boss says, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . ." The Boss says, "This isn't the 'me' generation of the eighties. This is the 'lifeless nineties.' I expect 178 hours of work from you each week." Alice says, "There are only . . . Uh, 168 hours in a week." The Boss replies, "I expect your family to chip in a few hours."