Core Systems Comic Strips - Page 2

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74 Results for Core Systems

View 11 - 20 results for core systems comic strips. Discover the best "Core Systems" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #finest executives, #created statements, #core values, #help community, #producing state of the art, #business soultions, #didn't skimp, #nine executives

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The Boss sists at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. He waves a pice of paer and says, "Ten of our finest executives got together and created a statement of our core values." The Boss quotes from the document, "We help the community and the world by producing state-of-the-art business solutions." Wally responds, "I'm glad we didn't skimp and try to do that with only nine executives." Dilbert adds, "Yeah. It might have sucked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #statement of core values, #change behavior, #planning to poiosn, #sarcasm, #necessary

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The Boss walks by Dilbert, who follows holding a piece of paper and says, "Can you explain how the company's new "Statement of Core Values" will change my behavior?" The Boss sits down at his desk. Dilbert continues, "I was planning to poison the town's water supply. But wait! It's against our core values!" The Boss says, "Is your sarcasm absolutely necessary?" Dilbert checks the document and says, "Let me check. Hmm... it's not addressed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #old job, #network systems, #asminstrator, #reckless abuse, #power, #new ethernet card, #solve problem, #big pile, #office

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dilbert eats potato chips. Dogbert announces, "I'm going back to my old job as a network systems administrator." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert offers Dogbert some chips as Dogbert says, "I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power." Asok the Intern sits at his computer and looks at Dogbert who is waving an ethernet card at him. Dogbert says, "This new ethernet card could solve your problems. Would you like a sniff before I throw it in a big pile in my office?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #business language, #competetive, #salary increase goodbye, #core business, #lost, #empowered, #unimportant deciosns, #reengineering, #essential, #people person, #canibal, #hire trained people, #market driven, #balme cutsomers, #value employee input, #hour, #important

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Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #staying real, #keeping to core, #good, #duuude, #say thing, #no meaning

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A male employee says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, my man, you're stayin' real and keepin' to the core." Dilbert asks, "Is that good?" The employee says, "I don't even know what it means." Dilbert asks, "Why do you say things that have no meaning?" The employee answers, "Du-u-u-de!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #company's core values, #trust, #integrity, #team work, #borrow a chair, #selling on ebay

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Asok thinks to himself, "I must keep in mind our company's core values of trust, integrity and teamwork." Wally enters Asok's cubicle and says, "May I borrow your chair?" Asok says, "Okay" Wally is at the computer as Dilbert approaches and asks, "What are you selling on E-Bay?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #stock market expert, #core holding, #dead cat bounce, #secret economic model, #book sales, #financial markets

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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #michael t. suit, #core competencies, #platforms, #did we shake?

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A headless, handless man says to Dilbert, "Hi. My name is Michael T. Suit. All my friends call me M.T." M.T. continues, "I enhance core competencies by leveraging platforms." Dilbert is gone. M.T. continues, "Did we shake yet? Sometimes I can't tell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #integrate, #inventroy, #finance systems, #nitiwt, #ogre, #fired, #thirty years

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #upgarde, #pc operating systems, #stable environemnt, #applications, #form of taxation, #evil shadow government

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "We need to upgrade our PC operating systems, so we have a stable environment for applications." Dilbert continues, "Think of it as a form of taxation by an evil shadow government." The Boss responds, "Shadow government? That's ridiculous." The Boss' computer says, "Shut up and pay me."