Become Consultants Comic Strips - Page 2
189 Results for Become Consultants
View 11 - 20 results for become consultants comic strips. Discover the best "Become Consultants" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 30, 2000's comic on:
Wally says to Alice while pouring himself a cup of coffee, "I'm going to follow Tom Peters' advice and become my own brand." Alice replies, "The phrase you're least likely to hear is, 'I gotta get me some of that." Wally walks away thinking, "Day one: Not so good."
Share October 09, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert are eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should become a teacher so I can educate the leaders of tomorrow." Dogbert responds, "Maybe you should educate the morons of tomorrow so they'll stop believing the leaders of tomorrow." Dilbert replies, "Maybe I'll just eat this donut and go to work." Dogbert asks, "Do you have more dreams I can crush?"
Share December 01, 2001's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of an employee. The employee exclaims, "I'm fired?!! Now I can't pay my rent!" The employee asks, "Would it be okay if I lived here in my cubicle?" The Boss responds, "I don't see why not." The employee asks, "Can I have fires and become a cannibal?" The Boss responds, "Well, I might regret this later......"
Share December 15, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"
Share May 21, 2003's comic on:
Wally and Asok are eating lunch. Wally says, "Long term, I hope to convince our boss that I have the power to become invisible." Wally continues, "Then I can just sit home and get paid. Oh, it will be sweet." The Boss is sitting at his desk, he looks scared. He asks, "Wally? Is that you?" Wally is hiding behind The Boss' chair. Wally replies, "Right in front of you."
Share December 03, 2004's comic on:
Wall: "I need to become irreplaceable so I can't be fired for my behavior." "I'll gain the trust of our biggest customer so they'll only deal with me." "I probably shouldn't say this, but everyone in my company except me is an escaped felon."
Share March 07, 2005's comic on:
Share July 19, 2005's comic on:
"The Elbonians are demanding bribes, or else they won't do business with us." "Hire them as overpaid consultants and don't ask them for anything. That way, it's all legal." "And by legal you mean won't get caught?" "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."
Share February 08, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: Wally, what are your goals for the coming year? Wally: My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal. The boss: I mean something about work. Wally: Oh, I thought you said MY goals."
Share August 17, 2003's comic on:
Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"