Process Making Changes Comic Strips - Page 2
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Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.
Wally: I remember a time when I had to listen to the topic at hand before adding my insincere input. I think we should virtualize the process and move it to the cloud. Boss: Hey, that's a great idea! Wally: Now it's just all too easy.
Coworker: Did you see my email with all of my recommended changes to your product? Dilbert: Yes. Everything you suggested is a bad idea, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life explaining why. Coworker: Now I hate you. Dilbert: All roads headed in that directions. All I did was take the shortest one.
Dilbert, Dogbert and an old woman sit on a park bench. The old woman says, "Men don't whistle at me anymore." The woman continues, "I credit the women's movement for making men more sensitive to how whistling degrades women." As Dilbert gets up to leave, Dogbert asks the woman, "What's the climate like on your planet?"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "You've got to step down as King of Elbonia. These people are capable of making their own decisions." An Elbonian says, "The Paper-Rock-Scissors Olympics are canceled. We couldn't agree on the rules." The Elbonian continues, "And of course, we all wear mittens . . ." Dogbert asks Dilbert, "What was your point?"
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've got to make drastic changes to keep up with the competition." The Boss continues, "That's why I've had these little note pads made that say 'quality.'" Dilbert looks at one of the pads and asks, "Isn't it spelled with a 'u?'"
Dilbert shows the Boss new computer hardware and tells him, "For only twenty-five thousand dollars I've eliminated many tedious and time-consuming processes." The Boss asks, "What would be an example of one of those tedious and time-consuming processes?" Dilbert replies, "Well, there was the process of sitting around and wishing I had more computer stuff . . ." The Boss thinks, "Next time don't ask."
The boss: engineering is simple. you start by questioning the employees who would get fired if you succeeded. The Boss: Then you use data to design a more efficient business process. Dilbert: So...you say you use flying monkeys to deliver the finished design? Men: They're very fast.
Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."