Risk Management Assessment Comic Strips - Page 2
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424 Results for Risk Management Assessment
View 11 - 20 results for risk management assessment comic strips. Discover the best "Risk Management Assessment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 11,
2020
Betting On Management
Tags covid-19, business, technology, confidence, management, infection, coronavirus, bet, stupidity, income, betting, health
Transcript
dilbert: does it reduce your confidence in our management that 100% of them got infected with coronavirus. wally: all i know is that i won $300 betting it would happen. dilbert: how often do you bet on their stupidity? wally: often enough to double my income.
Tuesday December 01,
2020
Ai For Management Decisoins
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, smart speaker, artificial intelligence, management, bug
Transcript
Dilbert: i upgraded our a.i. prototype to make management decisions. smart speaker: slay the weak dilbert: i think that's a bug. boss: hold on. let's hear it out.
Friday March 25,
2011
Tags deception, managers & supervisors, learn from mistakes, make alits, wrong this year, coincidence, perfromance reviews, management legends, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "We can learn from our mistakes. Let's make a list of the things that each of you did wrong this year." Dilbert says, "It is just a coincidence that our annual performance reviews are due next week?" The Boss says, "It would have been the stuff of management legends." Catbert says, "Very nice try."
Thursday April 14,
2011
Tags ignorance (knowledge), laziness, seven layers of management, lead company, unknowingly, bad idea, input to avoid, ceo, middle management
Transcript
CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.
Sunday March 06,
2011
Tags honesty, managers & supervisors, proactive, send email, bad time management, creating illuson, sarcasm, crazy boss, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."
Tuesday June 07,
2011
Tags public speaking, financial model, complicated, formula errors, management, figures support, schemes for career development, life is ridiculous
Transcript
Man: My financial model in Excel is so complicated that I assume it's riddled with formula errors. But that's okay because management only uses the results when the figures support their schemes for career advancement. Uh-oh. I just realized that my life is ridiculous. Boss: Do you have hand-outs?
Tuesday June 21,
2011
Tags approval from cloud, matrix management, office workers, smoke cloud
Transcript
Boss: You'll need approval from the cloud. Dilbert: The cloud? Boss: It was once called Matrix Management. But it go so complicated that no one knows who does what. Dilbert: Can you approve this? Man: What did everyone else say?
Monday July 04,
2011
Tags interviews, ignorant and bored, hired, awesome tech skills, management genius
Transcript
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.
Sunday October 16,
2011
Tags choosing, meetings, creative ideas, next prodcut, ignorance on public disply, cost money, increase risk, evaluate each idea, disdain, good idea
Transcript
Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.
Wednesday October 26,
2011
Tags big business, business ethics, ceo needs underling, drink industrial sludge, risk of brain worms, drink himself
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO needs an underling to drink our industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok: Um... is there some reason he doesn't do it himself? Boss: Yes, but I forget the details. It was something about the risk of brain worms.