Security Guard Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

133 Results for Security Guard

View 11 - 20 results for security guard comic strips. Discover the best "Security Guard" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team building exercise, #security gurad, #middle of desert, #leave you there

View Transcript

Transcript

"Ted, I'm sending you on a team-building exercise." "A security guard will drive you to the middle of the desert and leave you there!" "And then the team will rescue me?" "Sure."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs, #bugs are smater, #cubcicle, #dumb, #permission denied, #plastic, #plastic plant, #tell the difference

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Id like permission to keep a plastic plant in my crucible, Security guard: Permission denied! Plants attract bugs. If I can't tell its plastic how are the bugs going to know the difference? Dilbert: With all due respect m bugs are way smarter than you. Security: Oh yeah? Id like to see them do this job.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highly fragmented, #optimize heard drive, #vague, #one gig hard drive, #pentium processor

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bold commando, #relocates pc, #thwarting union rules, #moving computer, #police catch dilbert, #jailtime

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert wears a black hooded suit and carries a PC. He thinks, "The bold commando stealthily relocates his PC at night, thus thwarting burdensome union rules." A security guard pulls a gun on Dilbert and says, "Freeze, miscreant." Dilbert stands in a jail cell with two large men. He thinks, "I hope this works." One of the convicts says, "You don't look like Johnny Cash to me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security guard, #company owned assets, #under clothes, #smuggled out, #pilferage

View Transcript

Transcript

whoa! whoa! where do you think you're going? you look bloated today as if you have company -owned assets under your clothes. I need to stop relying on my instincts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security, #equipment removal, #authorization, #signatures, #turn tables, #sign form, #birth certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."

Homeland Security Risk

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Homeland Security Risk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #homeland security, #awareness, #consciousness, #terrorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Agent: Homeland Security has identified you as a risk of being radicalized online. Dilbert: Is it because I'm a single male, I hate my job, and no one loves me? Agent: We didn't know about that stuff. Now I have to call in a drone strike.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #act nervous, #air travel, #airport security, #guards, #more invasive, #new pat down, #procedures, #situations, #sleeper cell, #terrorits, #tsa, #molestation

View Transcript

Transcript

Airport Security Man says, "Step over here, sleeper cell." Man says, "Our new pat down procedures might be more invasive than you're used to." Man says, "Only terrorists act nervous in these situations." Airport Security

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #surveillance, #security, #employee locator device, #smarthone, #questions, #text to yourself

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.