Sibs Data Base Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

227 Results for Sibs Data Base

View 11 - 20 results for sibs data base comic strips. Discover the best "Sibs Data Base" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally reflctor, #bad people, #make you work, #offer no resistance, #order made, #requires work. they blow it off, #no work necessary

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: the move that I ma about to teach you is called the "wally reflects" Wally: Throughout the day bad people will try to make you do work of for them. At first, offer no resistance, as if you actually plan to do the work. Then ask the offender to do a little bit of work himself. Allow me to demonstrate. Wally, I need to design a data base for all of our product features and services. Wally: Glad to do it! Wally: all i need from you is a comprehensive list of the dats fields you need included. Oh...wow Im really busy, I;ll had et get back to you on that. and I'll never see that idiot again. You inspire me. In a creepy kind of way.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extra funding, #extra network traffic, #hard data, #infinte capacity, #logic, #opinions, #science works, #weasel misrepresnting, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "I don't think our network can handle the extra network traffic." The Boss replies, "Opinions don't matter to me. I base my decisions on hard data." Dilbert responds, "How about logic? Our network is already too slow and we plan to quadruple usage." The Boss responds, "Bah! Watch how science works and maybe you'll learn something." The Boss pokes his head out of his office and says to Doug, "Doug, come here for a minute." Doug says, "Our data proves that our network has infinite capacity, so your budget should be diverted to my project." Dilbert exclaims, "That's not science! That's a weasel misinterpreting data to get extra funding!" Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "There are days when you really hate to hear the phrase 'po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

Data Encapsulation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Bad Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #information, #accuracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."

Massive Data Breach

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Adjust The Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #sarcasm, #data, #analyze

View Transcript

Transcript

ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

Selling Private Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selling Private Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.

Personal Health Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Personal Health Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #laptop, #private, #data, #cloud, #asthma, #personal, #health, #edit, #disease

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert at laptop: according to your private data in the cloud, you have a mild case of asthma. dilbert: you can see my personal health data? dogbert: see it? hahaha! i can do more than that! dilbert: what is more than that? dogbert: i can edit it. you have six new diseases now.

Sending Data To Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sending Data To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #proprietary, #data, #elbonia, #internet, #monitor, #activity, #conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

boss with face mask: our security team says you have been sending our proprietary data to elbonia. elbonian with face mask: you can't prove that. boss: i monitor all of your internet activities. elbonian: i monitor all of your internet activity, too. boss: then let's forget we had this conversation.