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Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"
Dilbert arrives at a woman's door carrying flowers. Floyd is still attached to Dilbert's back. The woman says, "I don't mean to sound critical on a first date, but there's a little man attached to your back." Dilbert says, "That's Floyd. He's a co-worker who survives by sharing the success of others." The woman asks, "What if you're not successful?" Dilbert replies, "He'll die. But hey, no pressure."
Dilbert approaches the "Air Elbonia" counter and says to the clerk, "Give me one ticket for the slingshot flight to Elbonia's capital." The airline ticket agent asks, "Do you want first class or coach?" Dilbert asks, "What's the difference?" The clerk replies, "With first class we don't intentionally fling you toward something hard."
Dogbert sits on a throne wearing a miter. An Elbonian says, "Your Highness, I have drafted a basic bill of rights for all Elbonians." The man shows Dogbert a document and continues, "We demand the right to dress potatoes like our favorite celebrities!" Dogbert reads, ". . . The right to collect string . . . The right to make armpit noises." The Elbonian says, "It's the first draft."
Wally, Ted and Alice confront Dilbert. Alice says, "We heard you killed Floyd, our unbearable co-worker, yesterday." Dilbert replies, "No. I was there, but he choked on his own bile." Alice asks, "What did you do - perform First Aid? Call an ambulance?" Dilbert replies, "I don't know First Aid." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Can I use your phone?"
Dogbert: I found a way to profit from my innate cuteness. Introducing the limited edition "Baby Dogbert" ceramic figurine! Dilbert: I see - its a first aid device to induce vomiting. Dogbert: The focus group was a disaster.
Dilbert: "This was our third date, Liz. Tradition demands that you kiss me or give me the 'let's be friends' talk." LIZ: "No, our first date only counted as 85 % because we were wearing our sweat pants." DILBERT: "I'm 15 % short?!!" LIZ: "It's too bad, because I really felt like kissing."
Wally hands Dilbert a binder and says, "I made a few thousand suggestions on your first draft." Wally continues, "Of all the pleasures of life, I think I like nit-picking the best!" Dilbert takes the report and says, "That could explain the break-up of your marriage." Wally says, "You wouldn't believe what SHE thought was fun."
A new worker says to Dilbert and Wally, "I've only worked here one day but I thought of a great idea." The Boss runs in with a fire hose and soaks the new employee with a stream of water. Dilbert says to the drenched worker, "The first idea is always the toughest." Wally adds, "The urge eventually goes away."
Dilbert peers over the cubicle wall and says, "Wally, you just sent me the same e-mail you sent last week." Wally says, "I'm rerunning the 'Best of Wally' while I'm on in-cube sabbatical." Dilbert asks, "How long is your sabbatical?" Wally replies, "Six months so far, and you're the first to notice."