Trial Comic Strips - Page 2
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Wally: I got called for jury duty. I'll probably be gone for weeks. I think I would be a good juror. As I understand the job, you sit in a chair doing nothing for hours. Boss: You're supposed to pay attention to the trial. Wally: That's what the other eleven people are for. There's a lot of redundancy in the system. Time to serve up some justice.
Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the jury box. Dogbert yells, "Stop the trial!! Stop the trial!! The defendant is innocent!!" Dogbert says, "I'M the one who killed those people. I did it for love and for money and revenge!!" Dogbert says to Dilbert, "Well, not really, but I always wanted to say that."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert says, "The trial is going badly, so I'm trying to make a deal with the District Attorney." Dogbert continues, "He offered to give me a Sony Walkman if you will accept the death penalty." Dogbert continues, "I think I can get a Walkman for you, too."
Dogbert stands in front of the judge's bench in a courtroom. Dogbert says, "For my first witness, I call the defendant's attorney." Dogbert asks the lawyer, "Is it true that you're wearing women's lingerie right now?" The lawyer looks surprised and says, "No!" The judge asks, "Is this relevant to your case?" Dogbert replies, "I wonder why YOU're so touchy about this subject."
Dogbert says to the members of the jury, "Before you decide who wins this civil suit, remember this . . ." Dogbert continues, "I can't legally offer you large cash kick-backs for deciding in my favor. But please take a moment to complete a self-addressed stamped envelope." The judge asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm trying to establish 'reasonable doubt.'"
The foreman of the jury reads a document and says, "The jury has reached a decision in the case of 'Dogbert vs. A Big Corporation.'" The man continues, "We award Dogbert fifty million dollars because we hate big companies and we like little dogs with glasses." The man continues, "And we award a Maytag dryer to juror Mindy for being 'Best Dressed.'" The judge covers his eyes and thinks, "I hate my life."
Dogbert says to the jury, "Although the insanity defense does not apply to my client, we have something just as good." Dogbert points to Dilbert and explains, "My client is an 'engineer savant.' He understands technology but nothing else." Dogbert pulls Dilbert's foot out from under the table and says, "As evidence, I submit my client's white socks, complete with the sock protector and auxiliary writing tools."
The foreman of the jury stands and reads, "We find the defendant innocent by reason of being generally clueless." Dogbert says to Dogbert who is packing his briefcase, "I know I should be happy, but it's so insulting . . . What will all my friends think?" Dilbert continues, ". . . Not that I have any." Dogbert says, "I call that a win-win scenario."
Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?
Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.