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View 11 - 20 results for big improvements for free comic strips. Discover the best "Big Improvements For Free" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #mugged, #police, #artist, #expression, #frightened

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Dilbert stands at a counter talking to a police officer. Dilbert, who has a bump on his head, says, "I was mugged, but I got a good look at him." The officer says, "I'll get a police artist." Dilbert and the police artist sit at a table. The artist sketches as Dilbert says, ". . . A big head, and kind of a frightened expression . . ." Dilbert looks at the drawing and says, "Perfect. Looks just like me. Now let's do the mugger. He was sort of off to the left here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #doors, #double doors, #fool, #ventilation ducts, #outside

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Dilbert walks down a hallway thinking, "Uh oh . . . Double doors. One side is always locked and I make a fool of myself trying to open it." Dilbert thinks, "Which side is it? Left? Right? People are watching. Think, think . . ." Dilbert arrives at home looking dirty and disheveled. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That's when I noticed that the ventilation ducts were big enough for a human to crawl through." Dogbert says, "Too bad they didn't lead to outside."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #animal behavior, #skunk, #ice cream, #strawberry, #animals, #animal nature, #bowl, #arm chair

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Dilbert: Yikes!!! A skunk in the house. Skunk: Hi. Oh, don't worry; we skunks only spray when we're scared... I certainly wouldn't use my threatening power to force you to do my bidding. Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?! Skunk: I'm scared you might not offer me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #abuse, #skunk, #cats, #fear, #response, #ice cream

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Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk. Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room. Dilbert: This is blackmail! Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #free, #hypnosis, #lessons, #friends, #class

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Dilbert walks down the sidewalk and sees a sign on a building that says, "Free Hypnosis Lessons!" Dilbert thinks, "Hmm . . ." Dilbert thinks, "There's probably some catch, but it's worth a look." Dilbert walks away from the building wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and holding his arms out in front of him. Dilbert says, ". . . A wonderful class . . . I must tell my friends."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #earth, #track, #macy's, #credit, #Card, #visa, #mastercard, #chew-toy, #cash, #advance, #netting, #billions, #Lottery, #prize, #bank

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Dogbert walks away from the mailbox holding a letter. He says, "Ha ha ha! My scheme to conquer earth is right on track!" Dilbert sits at a desk working on a device. Dogbert enters the room and announces, "I've been approved for a Macy's credit card!" Dogbert says, "I'll use this credit history to apply for Visa and Mastercard." Dogbert continues, "Soon I'll have credit cards from every bank in the world." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll do a cash advance on every card, netting billions to form a worldwide lottery prize." Dogbert continues, "And everybody who supports me as supreme ruler of earth gets one free lottery ticket." Dilbert says, "You know, most dogs would be delighted just to get a nice chew-toy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #trophy, #perfect, #attendance, #vicarouis, #dusting, #waxing, #head, #big head, #Dilbert

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Look what I won, Dogbert! It's a trophy for perfect attendance!" Dilbert says, "Since YOU've never won a trophy, I thought you might get some vicarious joy by dusting and waxing MY trophy every day. Here." Dilbert walks away saying, "I hope that trophy doesn't go to my head." Dogbert throws the trophy at Dilbert's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #kinder, #trouble, #world, #creatures, #peace, #harmony, #pursues, #retribution, #little, #misdeed, #bygones, #forgive, #forget, #studies, #happier, #less, #stressful, #lives

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a brick wall. Dogbert says, "Sometimes I dream of a kinder world . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Trouble . . ." Dogbert continues, "A world where all creatures live in peace and harmony . . ." Dogbert continues, "Where nobody pursues retribution for some tiny little misdeed." Dilbert thinks, "Big trouble." Dogbert continues, "Where bygones are bygones . . . Forgive and forget . . ." Dilbert shouts, "Stop it! Stop it! Please just tell me what horrible thing you've done!" Dilbert runs away screaming. Dogbert says, "You know, studies have shown that people with pets live happier, less stressful lives."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #elbonia, #east, #european country, #abandoned, #comunism, #capitalism

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Did you hear that the tiny east European country of Elbonia has abandoned communism?" Dogbert replies, "Whoa! Big changes ahead." The caption says, "Elbonia: Monday." A pig and a man sit in the mud on a mud farm. The caption says, "Elbonia: Tuesday." The pig wears a sign that says, "My pig," the man wears a sign that says, "My feet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #outbox, #mail, #outgoing mail, #fish, #weather, #small talk, #errands

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Dilbert stands in front of a desk. A voice from the out box says, "Hey! Big guy, how are ya?" An envelope peeks out of the box and says, "How's the family? You look great . . . Nice weather, huh?" Dilbert walks away thinking, "I hate outgoing mail." The envelope yells, "Do you fish?"