Cat 6 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dogbert's lawyer says, "I call Ratbert as my first witness." Ratbert sits on the witness stand. The attorney asks, "Is it true that Dilbert is a secret cat lover who often betrayed the trust of his faithful dog?" Ratbert replies, "It's true." Ratbert continues, "I often found him alone drinking root beer and reading 'Cat Fancy' magazine in his underwear . . . It's a sickness."
Dilbert says, "The defense calls Fuzzy the Cat." Fuzzy sits in the witness stand. Dilbert asks Fuzzy, "Isn't it true that I did not in fact PET you, but only pushed you away in mild disgust when you rubbed my leg?" Fuzzy replies, "I have this sudden urge to bury you in pine-scented sand."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, "Somewhere out there is the woman who is perfect for me." They sit down and Dilbert continues, "But how will I recognize her? How will I know she's the one?" The caption says, "Meanwhile, somewhere 'out there' . . ." A woman who looks like Dilbert says to her cat, "Okay, I agree that it SEEMS like cats own people, but it's not actually the law."
The caption says, "They say everybody has a perfect romantic match . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. The caption says, "And they say the key to a life of happiness . . ." A woman who looks like Dilbert walks outdoors with her cat. The caption says, ". . . Is to avoid that person at all costs." As they pass each other Dilbert, Dogbert, the female Dilbert and her cat all think, "Yuck."
Dilbert points a video camera at Dogbert and says, "Let's see some emotion, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "I need to be in the mood." Dilbert says, "Remember when it looked like 'E.T.' died, but really he didn't?" Dogbert sniffs like he is about to cry. Dilbert says, "The neighbor's cat says you're fat." Dogbert says angrily, "The fool!" Dilbert says, "Imagine you won an academy award for 'Best Dog.'" Dogbert looks surprised and says, "Me?!!" Dilbert says, "Imagine some frozen lavatory waste from a passing jet crashes through the roof and flattens me as I film this." Dogbert falls over and laughs. Dilbert asks, "Is that sorrow? It doesn't look like sorrow." Dogbert thinks, "Oops."
Dilbert tosses a Frisbee and says, "Get it, Dogbert!" Dogbert fires a gun and shoots the Frisbee. Dilbert looks at Dogbert, who is holding a rifle, and says, "Maybe I should just get a cat." Dogbert replies, "Good idea, but they're harder to throw."
The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."
Alice: I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you. My entire family is in a coma....The cat ate my wedding ring,,,,The IRS is auditing us....my boss made a pass at me. It isn't working, you aren't absorbing my woes. Dilbert: Im wearing into woe cologne.
"Friends Explained" "A Very Special 'Dilbert'." "Close friends." "May I borrow your gum?" "Sure, reach in and take what you need." "Buddies" "May I borrow your hammer?" "Why not use your forehead as usual?" "Work Friends" "So, how's your wife?" "Dead, same as last week." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (stereotypical view)" "Love." "Lust." "Boyfriend/girlfriend (modern correct view)" "Lust." "Television." "Platonic friends" "Television?" "Lust." "Man's Best Friend" "By my estimate there are 2.6 billion females who do NOT desire you." "Name them."