Computer Issues Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed the computer to predict what people will be like in 200 years." Dogbert asks, "What assumptions are you making?" Dilbert replies, "It's based on trends in today's youth." Dilbert explains, "For example, we know that science skills are declining, more kids are overweight, and selfishness is rising." In the year 2190, three huge people float in midair. One person says, "I heard that Bobby exploded." Another replies, "I wonder why that keeps happening." The third person says, "Who cares? More for us."
Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "My trip to Elbonia was a complete success." Dilbert continues, "I opened our subsidiary, taught capitalism to the locals and showed them how to make computer chips out of sand." Dogbert replies, "Oh great . . . Now they will become an industrial giant and compete against us." Dilbert says, "Don't worry. I also taught them our management techniques."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer while Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs watch. Dilbert says, "You dinosaurs have probably never seen a computer." Dilbert continues, "This makes me so efficient I can save hours every day." Bob asks, "What do you do with all the spare time?" Dilbert replies, "I work on the computer." Bob says, "Wow! Then you can save even more time!"
Dilbert reads a letter and tells Dogbert, "My credit card has been canceled. The stupid bank's computer thinks I died." Dilbert continues, "This is an opportunity for some righteous indignation. I love that." Dilbert dials the telephone. A customer service representative answers the phone and says, "Hello, credit card department, an underpaid employee speaking." The man says, "Well, yes, apparently you are alive, but it would be very difficult to reprogram the computer . . ." Dilbert replies, "I'm sure you'll find a solution." A woman at the bank asks, "Kill him?" The man replies, "Unless you'd RATHER read this computer manual."
Dilbert gets sucked into his computer. Dilbert: You.. You're a microchip... Michael: I am. C'mon in and have some coffee. Dilbert: Chips drink coffee? Michael: Gallons. It keeps us fast. Dilbert: Doesn't that make you irritable with the other microchips? Michael: Not since I killed them all.
Michael: Let me show you a round the inside of your computer. Dilbert: Neat! Michael: Here's where we generate the hypnotic signals for your display screen. Dilbert: Why? Michael: To make you think you need more computers. Dilbert: Good lord, you've learned to reproduce!
A microchip gives dilbert the tour inside his computer. Michael: ...so you see, it's mostly a trick... We've been sending you subliminal hypnotic suggestions through the video display for years. Dilbert: Like what? Michael: Goofy stuff
Michael: ...after you leave you will not remember being inside your computer talking to a microchip. You will purchase worthless computer upgrades and argue that it saves money in the long run. Dilbert: It's a static byte Dwinkelizer... A necessity really.
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I wonder if Dogbert is enjoying his sky diving lessons." Dogbert crashes through the ceiling and lands on the desk. Dogbert lies face-down on the desk and says, "Boy . . . No wonder they only charge six bucks."