Cruel Joke Comic Strips - Page 2
106 Results for Cruel Joke
View 11 - 20 results for cruel joke comic strips. Discover the best "Cruel Joke" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, look what I got at the joke store: exploding cigars!" Dilbert says as he lights a trick cigar, "Heh-heh . . . These are hilarious - watch." The cigar explodes. Dogbert looks at Dilbert, who is lying on the floor. Dogbert says, "I think you're supposed to get OTHER people to smoke them." Dilbert replies, "Too late now; I'm hooked."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."
Dilbert stands in the hall talking to a co-worker. Another man walks up and says, "It looks like the ugly people's convention is in town." The man asks, "How are you two cow pies doing? Huh?" Dilbert asks, "Why are you always so cruel, Brad?" Brad replies, "It's not cruel! This is male bonding, you fertilizer face!" Brad continues, "Try it; it'll make you feel like a man for the first time!" Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Okay, did you know that Bruce dates your wife on your poker nights?" Brad and Bruce look shocked. Brad and Bruce fight each other. Dilbert adds, "And your children are funny looking - especially Becky." Dilbert walks away thinking, "He's right. That felt good."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Do you know the difference between an electric razor and a toaster?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "No??? Geez, it must take you a long time to shave. Do you burn your face a lot?" Dilbert says, "I thought you were telling a joke." Dogbert asks, "How long have you had this problem?"
Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several men in bathrobes and slippers. Dogbert says, "Attention, prisoners! This is Warden Dogbert speaking!" Dogbert continues, "My jail has not been profitable. I've decided to have you all executed to reduce operating costs." Dogbert walks away thinking, "The 'Joke of the Day' program seems wasted on these people."
A woman with a huge nose tells Dilbert and Wally, "I've decided to have plastic surgery." Dilbert replies, "Frankly, I think it's the right decision." Dilbert continues, "Maybe then nobody will call you 'Toucan Sam' behind your back in the cafeteria every day." Wally says, "Ooh, and remember when the summer intern left?" Wally continues, "The joke was 'Maybe Janet accidentally snorted him up her nose.'" Janet says, "Actually, I'm only going to have my lips puffed." Wally whispers, "I hope the nurses are tethered down." Dilbert arrives at home with his arm in a sling and a bandage on his head. He tells Dogbert, "I got off easy . . . Poor Norman got snorted."
Dogbert walks on the sidewalk. He sees an old woman holding a stick and says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "Hi, Dogbert, you little lard bag." Dogbert says, "Geez, Mother Nature, why are you so mean?" Mother Nature replies, "I'm not mean; it's natural. Nature seems cruel but it's really beautiful." Mother Nature continues, "For example, do you see that robin that's singing?" Dogbert says, "Yes?" Mother Nature zaps the bird with her stick. As feathers float down from the tree, Mother Nature says, "He was off-key. Now nature is back in harmony." Dogbert says, "Ha! You're smiling! I knew it. You enjoy being mean!" Dogbert walks down the sidewalk looking disheveled. Clouds of smoke rise from his fur. Dogbert says, "Yet another example where keen perception doesn't pay off."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Remember the time you laughed at your own joke so hard that you inhaled and snorted at the same time?" Dogbert continues, "Then you choked on your own spit, which caused you to lurch over and bonk your head on the coffee table . . ." Dogbert asks, "Who says your life is boring?" Dilbert replies, "I'm ignoring you."
Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."
"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"