Eliminate Garvity Comic Strips - Page 2
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Alice, the Boss and Dilbert stand at a conference table looking at a document. The Boss says, "We'll have to eliminate a few steps in order to hit the market window." The Boss continues, "I think we can get rid of market research and technical testing. They're basically 'overhead.'" The Boss writes on the chart and says, "Gone! Now we'll hit the window!" Dilbert says, ". . . Like a bird."
The Boss holds a letter and says, "Carol, how do I address an envelope?" Carol, his secretary, sings, "I'll do it." Carol explains to Dilbert, "I'm training him to be helpless." She says, "It's part of my master plan to eliminate him." Carol says, "I do everything for him. Soon he'll lose his ability to solve small problems alone." She says, "Then I'll 'accidentally' book him on a one-way trip to South Korea." Carol says, "Before he goes, I'll tell him they have a death penelty for speaking English." Carol laughs a maniacal laugh and says, "We'll never see him again. Buwahaha!" Dilbert walks off and says, "It's worth a shot." The Boss calls from his office and says, "Carol, how do I dial for an outside line?" Carol says, "I'll do it."
Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert typing at computer terminal. Catbert types, "Consistent with our effort to eliminate privacy and dignity..." Dilbert at his computer terminal reading what Catbert is typing. Catbert's text reads, "...employees must share hotel rooms on all business trips." Catbert at his desk in front of his computer thinking, "After they get used to this, I'll introduce the tandem showering policy."
Dilbert and dogbert walk outside. Dilbert says, "...And we know mass creates gravity because dense planets have more gravity." They stop, Dilbert sits on a rock. Dogbert says, "How do we know which planets are more dense?" Dilbert says, "They have more gravity." Dogbert says, "That's circular reasoning." Dilbert says, "I prefer to think of it as having no loose ends."
Caption: "Dogbert Consults" Sogbert stands on the boss's desk. DOgbert says, "Eliminate phone support for your product. Provide help only via the internet." Dogbert's tail wags and he says, "Then discourage people by making them answer an ominous list of personal questions." Man looks terrified in front of his computer the computer screen reads, "1. What is your home address? 2. When do you shower?"
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert types, "In order to eliminate all traces of individuality..." Dilbert reads, "All computer wallpaper must be the same." Dilbert thinks, "What next?" Catbert thinks, "In theory, with helium, the employees would all sound alike."
The boss reads a memo and thinks, "If I eliminate the training budget, I can afford to hire two more people." The Boss smirks, and thinks, "Then I'll have enough direct reports to get a vice president title." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Shouldn't we have a strategy?" The Boss says, "I have one. Thanks for asking."
The Boss says to Alice, who is seated in her cubicle, "Every department was asked how it could reduce its budget by ten percent." The Boss says, "Your project is vital to the future of the company, so I cleverly offered to eliminate it, knowing they couldn't accept." The Boss says, "Now this is the funny part..."
Headline: Asok works in H.R. Catbert says to Asok, "If we eliminate vacation days and increase sick days..." Catbert continues, "Would the employees fall for our trap and make themselves sick to get days off?" Asok exclaims, "What?!!" Catbert says, "You're in H.R. now. It's okay to be evil." Asok replies, "Evil, right."
Headline: The CEO Visit. The CEO says to The Boss, "Thanks for the presentation. Your department seems bloated." The CEO continues, "I'll eliminate half of your group in the next budget meeting." The Boss replies, "Thank you." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What are you going to do?" The Boss replies, "Nothing. I told him we're the marketing department."