Email Monkey Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."
Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey sit across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've got to cut staff in engineering. I'm trying to determine which one of you is more valuable to keep." The Boss says, "I've been hearing good things about Zimbu the Monkey. Which one of you is Zimbu the Monkey?" Dilbert and Zimbu both raise their hands. Dilbert thinks, "This is not the proudest moment of my professional career."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey, "It's going to be tough deciding which of you to lay off." The Boss continues, "I want to keep the employee who projects the most professional image." Dilbert puts his hand behind Zimbu's head and makes a 'V' with his fingers. Dilbert thinks, "This should make him look pretty stupid."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey, "I can't decide which one of you to lay off, so I've decided to have a contest." The Boss says, "The first event is the 'staple chase.'" Dilbert has been stapled to a bulletin board. The Boss says, "Round one: Zimbu." Dilbert says, "I think I winged him."
Dilbert and Zimbu compete for one job. The Boss: This next event tests your humor and creativity. The objective is to see how much fun you can have in the barrel. Who wants to go first? Dilbert: This is no fair. Zimbu is a monkey. He has an advantage.
Dogbert stands on the desk in front of the computer. Dogbert says, "We're being deluged by e-mail!" Dogbert says, "The male writers heavily favor whacking Ratbert with the magazine." Dilbert stands over Ratbert holding a rolled-up magazine. Dogbert continues, "And we have a number of helpful suggestions involving power tools." Dilbert replies, "Boys will be boys."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "It says the president can now receive electronic mail." Dogbert asks, "Really?" Dogbert stands on the desk chair and types, "Dear Mr. President, I would like to make a few suggestions on how to run the country." Dogbert types, "As you know, the citizens are mostly imbeciles." Dogbert types, "You should give an executive order for all people to march into the sea." Dogbert types, "Then, the few of us who are smart enough to ignore you can divide up their stuff." Dogbert types, "This may seem slightly immoral, but it's better than having a bunch of unwanted people clogging up the country." Dogbert pauses. Dogbert types, "And we won't have to hear your brother sing anymore. Sincerely, Ross Perot."
Dogbert stands on the desk chair. He says, "The e-mail votes have been tabulated. The will of the people is that Ratbert shall be spared from getting whacked with a magazine." Dilbert says to Ratbert, "I guess there's nothing funny about random cruelty." Bob the Dinosaur gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "Right! Cruelty is only funny if administered in a proper social context."
Wally: Zimbu the monkey designed three commercial products this week! we'd better find out his secret. wally: He's using his tail! He has a natural advantage! Wally: I feel the jaws of evolution on my throat. Dilbert: good gravy! Did you see him cut and paste?
The Boss: Well, well, It looks like Zumbu has designed another commercially viable product using only his tail. Dilbert: I could have done that....If I hadn't erased my hard drive when I installed my security software. I don't produce much, but its very secure. Monkey: Heres another one.