Fewer Groceries Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

21 Results for Fewer Groceries

View 11 - 20 results for fewer groceries comic strips. Discover the best "Fewer Groceries" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #programmers, #agile programming, #methods, #more work, #fewer people

View Transcript

Transcript

We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's a game card that gives you a chance to win groceries." "No thanks. Just take a penny off my bill and we'll call it even." "Um...I can't do that." "Why not? Isn't that game card worth a penny?" "We don't have a procedure." "How's that my problem?" "Look, maybe you could eat something that's worth a penny and I'll look the other way." "How about a grape? I like grapes." "It would have to be one that's been on the floor." "It tasted like victory."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet guru, #fewer groceries, #last meal, #motivation, #murder, #stop eating, #threaten

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Diet Guru Dogcart: Try stuffing fewer groceries down your maw." "I was hoping you'd give me motivation. Stop eating or I'll kill you. The Boss: Would I get a last meal?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #survey, #benefits, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #groceries & grocery stores, #natural disasters, #saving & investment, #complete meltdown, #financial system, #six months, #Food, #water, #batteries, #gold coins, #light on defensive weapontry, #protein bars, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm preparing for the complete meltdown of our financial system. I've got six months of food and water. I have batteries, flashlights, and gold coins. Alice: I'm prepare too. I have your home address. And I noticed that your preparations are light on defensive weaponry. Can you add some protein bars to the shopping list?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cublicle, #hours worked, #judgement, #long term projects, #near term deliverables, #negotiate, #output, #work ethic, #work from home, #holy grail

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I would like to be evaluated on my output, not the hours I work. Boss: Okay. That sounds reasonable. Wally: It does? Wow. And I'd also like to work at home where there are fewer distractions so I can be more productive. Boss: Okay. That makes sense. Wally: Really? I mean... great! I'd also like to work on long-term projects that have no near-term deliverables. Holy grail, holy grail, holy grail. Boss: Go back to your cubicle and don't leave until five o'clock. Wally: I was this close to retiring at full pay.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #leadership, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #choices, #bullying, #60 hour week, #fatique, #lower quality, #enlightened leader, #work fewer hours, #better outcome, #illusion, #created by underlings, #abuse, #pian, #enforcement, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You have an interesting choice today. You can continue bullying me into working sixty hours per week... while knowing that fatigue will lower the quality of my work. Or you can be an enlightened leader and encourage me to work fewer hours for a better net outcome. Boss: I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... leadership is an illusion created by the abuse of underlings. The more pain I force you to endure, the more of a leader I appear to be. How's the truth feel? Dilbert: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Wally Thinks Twice As Hard

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Thinks Twice As Hard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #motivation, #trick, #deception, #excuse, #lazy, #energy, #con, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm working twice as hard as ever before. Most of it is happening inside my head. But trust me, my brain is working double-time. Boss: Um... that's great. Wally: Obviously, I need to work fewer hours because of the energy drain.

Dilbert Breaks Up With Work Wife

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Breaks Up With Work Wife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Women, #wives, #wife, #work spouse, #game, #scam, #ruse, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Alice, I am breaking up with you as my work wife. Tina complains less and she sends me on fewer errands, so I choose her. Alice: What's your game? Tina: I'm running a bait-and-switch on him.

Fix It With Marketing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fix It With Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing, #lying, #ethics, #advertising, #deception, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our product has fewer features and a higher price compared to our competitors. Boss: We'll fix that with a little thing I call "marketing." Dilbert: Lying is unethical. Boss: That's why we only mislead.