Forget Comic Strips - Page 2
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96 Results for Forget
View 11 - 20 results for forget comic strips. Discover the best "Forget" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 22,
1994
Tags job pays, headhunter, move, cold place, drivers license, look up gender, phone call, man, inquiring about job
Transcript
Dogbert the headhunter Dogbert: The job pays a hundred thousand. But you'll have to move to a place thats so cold that mercury freezes. Man: I'll take it. How bad could it be? Dogbert: Keep your drivers license on you is you can look up your gender if you forget
Thursday October 27,
1994
Tags dogbert ethics advisor, prodcut, mail people, high fees, procedure, ethics advice, return stupid prodcut
Transcript
"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."
Sunday April 16,
1995
Tags job interview, resume, impressive, biggest fault, work too hard, forget to eat, bathe, die as desk, bloted, stinking corpse, someone hungrier
Transcript
Dilbert walks down the hall wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase. Wally says, "Looks like somebody has a job interview." Dilbert says, "Shh." Dilbert sits across from a desk. The interviewer says, "Your resume is impressive. I only have one question." The interviewer asks, "What do you consider your biggest fault?" Dilbert replies, "Sometimes I work too hard." He thinks to himself, "Good one." The interviewer asks, "Why is that a fault?" Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Uh . . . I work so hard that I forget to eat and bathe for days. Eventually I starve to death at my desk." Dilbert lies down on the chair and continues, "I become a bloated, stinking corpse. Insects breed in my body. I spread disease to the entire company." Wally asks Dilbert, "How did it go?" Dilbert replies, "They want somebody hungrier."
Sunday May 14,
1995
Tags accomplishments, who gets raises, lie about achievments, favoritism, minimizing accomplishments, billion dollars, impossible, verify, invisible rust, gets raise, three people
Transcript
The Boss tells Alice, Wally and Dilbert, "Write up your accomplishments so I can decide who gets raises this year." Wally asks, "Are you saying our raises will depend on our ability to lie about our achievements?" The Boss replies as he walks away, "No, there's also favoritism." Dilbert says, "And don't forget the importance of minimizing the accomplishments of others." Dilbert sits at his desk and types, "This year I saved a billion dollars in ways which are impossible to verify." Wally types, "While the others plotted against you, I was applying an invisible rust inhibitor to your car." Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "I can drop those off for you." Dilbert says, "Thanks." Dilbert asks Wally, "Have you noticed she's the only one who ever gets a raise?" Wally replies, "It's as if she has the accomplishments of three people."
Tuesday June 20,
1995
Tags fiance dept, reduce costs, short sighted ways, save money, job harder, forget
Transcript
Ratbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I'm from the finance department. I'm here to reduce costs." Ratbert continues, "It might seem like all I do is come up with short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder. But there's another side to this story." Wally asks, "And that would be . . . ?" Ratbert answers, "I forget."
Sunday July 09,
1995
Tags person, project, headcount, contract employee, buy a computer, over budget, renting expensive, Wally, 16 hour days, boss thinks genius, project cancelled
Transcript
Dilbert approaches the Boss and says, "We desperately need another person on my project!" The Boss replies, "We're already over headcount. Get a contract employee." Dilbert says, "Okay, but they cost twice as much." Dilbert says, "Plus we need to buy a computer." The Boss says, "Rent one. We're over our capital budget." Dilbert replies, "Renting is expensive. We'll go over our expense budget." The Boss says, "I'll fire Wally. That will free up some cash." Dilbert throws his arms up in frustration and says, "Wally's on my project!" Dilbert shouts, "Forget it! I'll just work sixteen hours a day!!" The Boss thinks, "That worked out perfectly. I think I might be a genius or something." The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "I wonder if I should have told him the project was cancelled last week."
Sunday August 13,
1995
Tags marketing dept., best engineers, leverage technology, ant farms, speadsheets, ant milk, ant fram engineer, ordered dilbert, milk from ant, no risk, bite sized ant jerky
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Here's how your marketing department can help retain your best engineers." The caption says, "Marketing gets an idea." A man points to a diagram and says, "We'll leverage our technology by building ant farms." The caption says, "Spreadsheets make the idea look profitable." The Boss and the man sit at a conference table. The man says, "The ant milk alone will be a positive NPV!" The Boss replies, "Wow!" He thinks, "What's an NPV?" The caption says, "Don't forget the 'worst case scenario.'" The man says, "Worst case, somebody builds a gigantic magnifying glass next door." The man contines, "Solution: bite-sized ant jerky!" The Boss says, "There's no risk!" The caption says, "An engineer will be assigned to the project." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Ant farms! Do it!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "The engineer will challenge the assumptions." Dilbert says, "You can't get a gallon of milk from an ant!" The Boss asks, "What do YOU know about marketing?" The caption says, "Result: the engineer will never leave the company." An interviewer asks Dilbert, "So . . . Your current job is 'Ant Farm Engineer'?" Dilbert thinks, "I'm doomed."
Saturday February 10,
1996
Tags Dogbert, forget them, quietly supportuive, too many passwords, with draw money, phone messages
Transcript
Dilbert lies on the couch looking worried and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he shouts, "You'd lose your job! You wouldn't be able to withdraw money or check phone messages! You'd be dead in a week!" Dilbert's hair and tie fly up and he says, "That would have been a good time to be quietly supportive, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "Oh, yeah, that's a lot of fun."
Sunday September 01,
1996
Tags two day workshop, mission, vision, useless jargon, illiterate execustives, mind numbing, job security, ethical behavior, better idea, high marks, class evalutaion
Transcript
A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."
Sunday October 20,
1996
Tags right on plan, project, bad idea, senior mangement, leadership, widespread mockery, lawyers, purging, gigantic failure, forget, mission statemnet, literal interpretation
Transcript
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My project is right on plan." Wally continues, "It began last week as a bad idea from somebody in senior management." Wally continues, "Thanks to my leadership, it is already an object of widespread mockery and derision." Wally continues, "As I speak, our lawyers are purging every last trace of value it might have had." Wally continues, "With luck, the project will be a gigantic failure in a month." Wally continues, "People will forget my failure and remember that I'm experienced. Promotions will follow. Yes!!" Wally concludes, "In six months I'll be dating an executive secretary named Yvonne." Dilbert says, "Good plan." The Boss asks, "Wally, have you ever read our mission statement?" Wally replies, "Yeah, but I don't subscribe to a literal interpretation."


