Gas Bag Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dogbert stands in front of several men and says, "Welcome to Dogbert's School for aspiring Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert continues, "I will teach you how to sit in a little building and do nothing." Dogbert continues, "These same skills can be transferred to a career in Congress or Fotomat." A student says, "Really? Fotomat?!"
Dogbert stands in front of several men and says, "Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants will not be easy." Dogbert says, "Phillips! What would you do if a customer couldn't figure out how to use the pumps?" Phillips answers, "Nothing. It's self-service." The man sitting next to him thinks, "Great . . . there goes the curve."
The caption says, "Day one: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." A student raises his hand and says, "Question." The man asks, "Do service station employees qualify for military benefits?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think so." The man asks, "Can we fool women with these uniforms?"
The caption says, "Second day: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert says, "You must learn to relax . . ." Dogbert continues, "I want you to clear your minds of all thoughts." The three students sit limply in their chairs with blank looks on their faces. Dogbert thinks, "That was too easy."
Dilbert sits at his desk and says to Dogbert, "I heard you closed your school for self-service gas station attendants." Dogbert says, "It didn't work out." Dogbert continues, "I was teaching the section on refolding maps . . . Frustrations were high . . . At first, the paper cuts were minor, but panic swept the room." Dilbert asks, "Well, how bad could . . ." Dogbert says, "They're all dead . . ."
Dilbert stands at the supermarket register. The clerk asks, "Paper or plastic bag?" The checker continues, "Paper that can be recycled . . . Or an evil, selfish, short-sighted, planet-destroying, stupid plastic bag?!!" Dilbert answers, "Plastic." The checker says, "Good. That's all we have."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . So, then my boss's secretary, Miss Cerberus, says she won't put me on the calendar unless I bring her the HEAD of Willy the Mail Boy." Dilbert holds out a bag with something round in it and says, "What choice did I have?" Dogbert's ears fly up in shock. Dilbert says, "I went bowling." Dogbert looks angry.
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the front steps and says, "You should think about washing the car soon." Dilbert says, "You're right . . . It's just so easy to get used to it being dirty." There is so much dirt on the car that plants are growing on it and a bird has made his nest on the antenna. Dilbert continues, "But lately it's been affecting my gas mileage."
Dilbert stands at the counter in a retail store. The salesclerk says, "This Sony Sniffman makes a nice gift." The clerk continues, "You can play the smells of your favorite stars!" The salesperson hands Dilbert the Sniffman and says, "Try it - it's Donny Osmond's gym bag." Dilbert asks, "Is it 'new Donny' or classic?"
Dogbert sits on a pillow watching tv. He thinks, "The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert walks away thinking, "Those people are idiots. They should all drive over here and proclaim me their king." Dogbert returns to the pillow with a bag of potato chips and thinks, "The secret to happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips."