Getting Paid Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert stands in front of a man's desk and says, "Hi. You must be the new secretary." The man replies, "Well, yes and no . . ." The man explains, "Granted, I'm temporarily being paid for performing secretary-like duties. But I'm really an author, a jazz pianist and a thespian. I have a Ph.D. in Psychology." Dilbert says, "Sounds like a little crisis with the ol' self-image." The man adds, "And a gourmet chef . . ."
Lab Rat: I wasn't getting any respect at the lab... I felt used. Sure... The food was good-and lots of it... But I don't think the professor valued me as an individual. And a rat without respect is like... Like... Dogbert: Like you.
Rabert: Goodbye, Dogbert, I must return to the lab with the professor. Dogbert: That's stupid. Rabert: He says he loves me. That must be why he fed me so much. Dogbert: You're getting stupider. Rabert: I have to follow my heart. Dogbert: Mmm... Love causes stupidity in lab rats.
Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and asks, "Want to hear some engineer jokes?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dogbert says, "Six: one to hold the bulb and five to argue about how to rotate it on this side of the equator." Dogbert giggles. Dogbert says, "What's the difference between a fungus and an engineer? A fungus can grow on you . . ." He laughs. Dogbert asks, "What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller?" Dilbert says, "Spot." Dogbert leaves the room and says, "We were having such a good time until he started getting personal."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "My program predicts that tiny holes in the ozone could lead to . . ." A flash of lightning zaps Dilbert and his computer. Dilbert looks at his burned computer and says, "Now we'll never know." Dogbert says, "But you're getting warmer."
Dogbert: Uh-oh! Dilbert's escaped ego has grown since getting that toupee. Dilbert's Ego: Ho-ho, what a night! I crashed a party for female police officers! I got phone numbers from twelve women! Dogbert: 9-1-1? Dilbert's Ego: They must be roommates.
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dogbert asks, "Has your electronic mail system made you more efficient?" Dilbert replies, "In a way." Dilbert explains, "Now I'm getting ignored at the speed of light." Dogbert says to the reader, "You can send electronic mail to us through the Prodigy system, care of Scott Adams, ID number mwpg@3a." The caption says, "Note: this strip is not affiliated with Prodigy in any way."
Rex: Dogbert, what's the congress? Dogbert: They make laws, Rex. Rex: Then what does the president do? Dogbert: He vetoes the laws. It's called balance of power. Rex: I guess they don't get paid much for doing that. Dogbert: Here's the confusing part...
The caption says, "After one week of camping." Dogbert sits on the edge of a hole in the ground and says, "This vacation to Clyde Canyon has been a major rip-off." Dilbert, who is wearing a backpack and looks unshaven, says, "I'm glad it's over." A hiker walks to the edge of the hole and says, "Why are you two in that hole when beautiful Clyde Canyon is just over the ridge?" Dogbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't bother getting our photos developed."
Dogbert walks along the sidewalk humming. Dogbert meets a man in a robe and slippers followed by two men in suits. Dogbert says, "Good morning, Mister Rich Person!" The man replies, "Good morning." One of the men behind him says, "I don't know about 'good.'" The other says, "Depends." Dogbert asks, "Have you been hurt by the slumping economy?" The wealthy man replies, "I've had to make some bold cost-cutting moves." The man behind him says, "I don't know about 'bold.'" The other man says, "Questionable." The rich man says, "I used to surround myself with yes-men . . . Now, all I can afford are these maybe-men." One of the maybe-men asks, "Did you know that the back of your head looks like an acorn squash?" The rich man says, "It takes some getting used to."