Hiring Freeze Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert waves his arms in the air and says, "I'm a little concerned about your hiring communist North Elbonian contractors to help on my top secret military project." The Boss reads a newspaper and says, "Don't worry. What's the worst thing that could happen?" Dilbert says, "I could be executed for treason." The Boss says, "Talk to our legal department." Dilbert says, Could I opt for the execution instead?"
During a staff meeting, Dogbert stands on the table holding his gun and says, "FREEZE!!" Dogbert is dressed as a policeman and says, "You scheduled a four-hour meeting to find out why people are behind schedule!" The guy says, "No, look at the agenda! The fourth hour is about why morale is so low. A woman next to him whispers to Dogbert, Shoot him."
The Boss and Wally sitting at table. The Boss says I saved a lot of money by hiring a low-priced consultant." The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "These aren't the best recommendations in the world, but the price was very resasonable." Asok the Intern, Dilbert, Wally peruse the recommendations. Asok says, "I don't like this one about rolling around on unwashed hamburger patties." The Boss says, "Keep an open mind."
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert interviews a man. Catbert says, "Are you able to work while being constantly interrupted?" The man says, "No. I would be totally ineffective, just like anyone else." Catbert says, "We were done with the section you had to answer honestly." The man says, "Oh. In that case, interruptions make me stronger."
The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."
Dilbert walks up to the Boss. Dilbert guides the headless man by the collar. Dilbert says, "The new guy isn't working out." The Boss says, "Why not?" Dilbert says, "Maybe because he has no head." The Boss frowns. The Boss says,"So, you think that I made a mistake hiring him?" Dilbert says, "Um... no. But the new guy thinks so." The boss shakes his fists. The Boss says, "Then he's fired for insubordination."
Dilmom opens her door to two policemen holding guns. Cop one says, "We have a report that you threatened to kill a computer manufacturer." Dilbert's mom pionts to the computer and says, "It freezes up five times a day. I have to unplug it to turn it off." The cops put down their guns. Cop 1 says, "Okay, we're with you. When's it going down?" Dilmom says, "Is tuesday good?"
Dilmom is at a computer store. The salesman says, "This is our most reliable computer, unless you try to use software." The salesman says, "It'll freeze several times a day. But you can restart it by poking a spoon into a hole in the back." Dilbert's mom says, "Has that ever worked?" The salesman says, "We think people are doing it wrong."
Caption:"Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a desk across from Asok. Catbert says, "We like to promote from within the company Asok." Catbert says, "But what we like even more is yanking your chain and the hiring from outside!" Catbert say, "Explain why you work here if you're so smart." Asok says, "I'm timid."
An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"