Human Chess Board Comic Strips - Page 2
400 Results for Human Chess Board
View 11 - 20 results for human chess board comic strips. Discover the best "Human Chess Board" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share April 02, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert: My android works! Andy: Hi. I am Andy the android. I am designed to rapidly analyze and imitate human behavior. Dilbert: This could be annoying. Andy: I know you are, but what am I?
Share December 21, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table playing chess. Dilbert says, "Bishop takes rook. I have you now, my friend." As he sweeps the pieces off the game board, Dogbert says, "My queen has an Uzi in her purse. She slays your entire side." Dilbert says, "You did the same thing when we played Scrabble." Dogbert replies, "Take it like a man."
Share January 20, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become an inside trader of stocks." Dilbert replies, "Inside trading is illegal. Besides, where will you get your information?" Dogbert raises his ears and says, "Shhh . . . I hear a board meeting starting San Francisco."
Share February 14, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert says to the robot, "We need to do something about your total lack of ethics and social conscience." Dogbert continues, "I had Dilbert build this guilt module for your control board. It has the synthesized shame of every major belief system." Later, the robot says to Dilbert, "I am unworthy to roll in your spittle." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Frankly, I liked him better before."
Share July 19, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "Hey, that's Miss Mulput, my old fourth grade teacher." Dilbert says, "Hi, Miss Mulput! Do you remember me - Dilbert?" Miss Mulput replies, "No." Dilbert says, "You used to make me write on the board a thousand times 'I will not be homely in class.'" Miss Mulput replies, "Oh, yeah. That was a good one." Dilbert says, "At the time it seemed like pretty strict punishment for chewing gum." Dilbert continues, "But that experience made me what I am today . . ." Dilbert continues, "An angry adult, obsessed with thoughts of revenge." Dilbert says, "You know, Miss 'Molepit,' if my dog had your face I'd shave his hiney and make him walk backward." Dogbert says, "Leave me out of this."
Share December 06, 1992's comic on:
The panel contains the title, "Dogbert's Home Safety Tips." Dogbert says, "It could save your life!" The caption says, "Tip #1: Children can swallow anything smaller than a sofa. Attach boards to vulnerable appliances." Dogbert attaches a piece of wood to a toaster while a baby watches. The infant tries to swallow the toaster and the board sticks out of his mouth. Dogbert says, "Ha ha! Nice try, Billy!" The caption says, "Tip #2: Your household may have a member who can legally vote but probably shouldn't." Dogbert stands next to a man in a chair and says, "Try tricking them into missing the election." Dogbert tells the man, "We're a communist regime now. You don't have to vote." The man says, "Shoot!" The caption says, "Tip #3: Your television is trying to steal your life's savings." A man on tv says, "I personally pray over every check you send." Dogbert tosses the television out a window and says, "Your only hope is to push your television out a high window." The caption says, "If everybody does it, we just might get lucky." The tv falls toward the televangelist who is walking on the sidewalk below.
Share March 14, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to a woman at a desk, "Uh . . . Lisa, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me." Lisa replies, "I can only date you if you survive the 'challenge of fear.'" Dilbert asks, "What is the 'challenge of fear'?" Lisa replies, "It's a test of your manliness." Lisa explains, "First you must stick your head in the drawer as I slam it shut." Lisa continues, "Then I staple you to the employee bulletin board." Lisa continues, "Live weasels are stuffed in your pants." Dilbert looks nervous. Lisa continues, "Finally, you must fling yourself down the elevator shaft!" Dilbert sticks his head in a drawer and says, "Ready." Lisa looks at the reader and says, "The weird thing is that THEY rule the world."
Share May 07, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert asks a salesclerk in a clothing store, "Excuse me, do you have any pants that AREN'T a twelve-inch waist and fifty inches long?" Dilbert holds up a pair of tiny pants and says, "I ask because there are no human beings who could wear these pants, and one of the secrets of retail success is to stock merchandise that somebody might want." Dilbert continues, "Then people would shop here and actually BUY things." The clerk replies, "Wow, that's way harder than what we do."
Share July 05, 1993's comic on:
The Boss, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's start with a brainstorming exercise. Alice, you go first." Alice closes her eyes and says, "I imagine myself not surrounded by dull, unattractive, and largely clueless men." Alice says, "Mmmm . . ." Dilbert says, "I think she just insulted you guys."
Share July 17, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert sits on the desk. Ratbert says, "Sometimes I think I'm not reaching my full potential as a rat." Dilbert replies, "You're right. In the Middle Ages, disease-carrying rats wiped out half of the human population of Europe." Ratbert says, "I think I've got a little temperature. Feel my forehead." Dilbert says, "Face it, your glory days are past."