Internet Problems Comic Strips - Page 2

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396 Results for Internet Problems

View 11 - 20 results for internet problems comic strips. Discover the best "Internet Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #future, #internet & world wide web, #math, #news, #news reporter, #supercomputer, #nut mines, #conquer

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A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #waiter, #hair, #soup, #date, #men and woman, #served, #integrity, #analysis, #comparison, #tough, #waiters, #restaurant, #own, #lab, #problems, #hairy, #Food, #clumps

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Waiter, there's a hair in my soup." The waiter says, "It looks like one of yours. I'm sure it wasn't there when I served it." Dilbert says angrily, "It is NOT one of mine!" The waiter replies, "Sir! You insult my integrity!" The waiter says, "I shall send the hair to our lab for analysis." Dilbert replies, "Fair enough." The waiter pulls out some of Dilbert's hair and says, "They'll need a clump of your hair for comparison." Dilbert cries, "Ouch!" Dilbert tells the woman, "You have to be tough with these waiters or else they'll walk all over you." The woman asks, "Does it seem odd to you that the restaurant has it's own lab?" Dilbert replies, "They must have a lot of problems with hairy food." The waiter returns and says, "The lab says they need a few more clumps of your hair . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #cyberspace, #pants, #calvin, #hobbes, #fantasy, #artistic, #globe, #e-mail, #nerd

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Dilbert braces himself against the desk as his arm disappears into the computer. He shouts, "Help! Dogbert, I'm being sucked into cyberspace!" Dilbert's head and torso disappear into the computer and he screams. Dogbert grabs his pants. Dilbert is gone, but Dogbert holds his pants. He says, "Let's hope you don't need pants in cyberspace." Dilbert floats through a strange world. He thinks, "Wow! It's like a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fantasy but without the artistic look to it." Dilbert thinks, "It's beautiful! I'm interacting with the minds of brilliant people from around the globe." A sign that says "Internet" points to the right. Dilbert floats past an "E-mail" sign. He thinks, "I can see how all their ideas and knowledge fit together! It's exhilarating!" Dilbert floats toward the exit and thinks, "How can I ever describe this to somebody who hasn't been here?" Dilbert tells a woman, ". . . And I didn't even need pants!" The woman replies, "So, you're some kind of nerd, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #romance, #interpreter, #logically, #solve, #emotional, #problems, #reasons, #fix, #hear, #wisdom, #compassion, #arouse, #talk, #himself, #dating, #women and men

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Dogbert, Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates for the woman, "He's telling you how to logically solve all of the emotional problems you seem to have." Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates, "He reasons that if he can fix your problems he won't have to hear about them anymore." Dilbert says, "Blah blah me." Dogbert translates, "He hopes that the wisdom and compassion he just faked was enough to arouse you. Now he will talk about himself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #television, #network, #reports, #stories, #Games, #yesterday, #millionaires, #problems, #darryl, #brain, #crime

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I'm going to start up a television news network that only reports happy stories." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "In sports, fifty percent of the teams won their games yesterday and all the players are millionaires - most of whom have no serious drug problems." Dogbert continues, "Our person of the week is Darryl, who, despite his tiny brain, found success through a life of crime." In the corner of the tv screen there is a picture of a man holding a bag of money and hugging a woman in front of a palm tree.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #elbonia, #elbonian men, #presentation, #quality management

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Dilbert points to a visual aid and says, "The fishbone diagram helps identify the root cause of problems." Dilbert continues as three Elbonians listen, "In your case, the root problem seems to be that you're a nation of imbeciles . . ." An Elbonian says, "True, but YOU'RE the one who had to draw a dead fish to figure it out." Another man says, "You're in the club! Here's your hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #consultant, #management

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Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk and says, "I'm a 'blame consultant.'" The Boss thinks, "I've seen him before." Dogbert explains, "For a large fee I will tell the workers that the problems in the company are THEIR fault, not yours. It's the latest management fad." The Boss asks, "Won't they see right through that?" Dogbert asks, "Is that MY fault??!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #blame, #consultant, #willy, #individual, #employee, #innovative, #products, #pioneer, #markets, #processor, #stinks

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Dogbert is hired as a blame consultant. Dogbert: The company's problems are your fault, Willy. You blame the senior executives, but it is you- the individual employee-who must build innovative new products and pioneer new markets. Willy: But I'm just a word processor I was hired to type. Dogbert: I've seen your typing. That stinks too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #better comoritively, #dread, #fixed income, #health problems, #pre meeting meeting, #retirement, #shrink, #wrinkles, #complaints

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wally: Im looking forward to retirement. I can't wait! I'll have my tiny fixed income, barley enough to survive! ...and a new health problem almost everyday! Wally: I'll have wrinkles everywhere and I'll actually shrink! HAHA! I'll produce nothing and I'll complain constantly! Dilbert: You're looking forward to a ll that?? WallyL well...compared to working here... The boss: Its time for the pre meeting meeting on employee productivity. Wally and Dilbert: mmm. fixed income ...health problems...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #al gore, #information superhighway, #share ideas, #blonde jokes, #flirt college women, #chat area, #technology

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Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!