Invent Nanotech Stem Cells Comic Strips - Page 2

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44 Results for Invent Nanotech Stem Cells

View 11 - 20 results for invent nanotech stem cells comic strips. Discover the best "Invent Nanotech Stem Cells" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new candidte, #interview, #reveal ugly truth, #dedicated, #employee empowerment, #jennifer, #special pharse, #job interview, #snarky woman, #jettison dignity

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to interview the new candidate for engineering. Don't reveal any ugly truths." Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "At this company we're dedicated to the principle of employee empowerment, Jennifer." Jennifer asks, "The 'principle of employee empowerment'?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Jennifer asks, "Why would you have a special phrase for something like that?" Jennifer continues, "If you could really make decisions on your own it would never occur to you to invent a phrase for it." Dilbert thinks, "My shields are down . . . A hull breach is imminent . . ." Jennifer says, "Just don't tell me you have 'quality teams.'" Dilbert stands up and screams, "Run for it, Jennifer!!! It's too late for me but you can save yourself!!! Run!!!" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and his glasses are bent. Wally says, "Whoa! Hull breach. Any survivors?" Dilbert replies, "One. I had to jettison my dignity but she made it to the escape pod."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #flashback, #practical joke, #college kid, #bushel of money, #photographers

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The caption says, "Flashback: Dogbert and the World's Smartest Garbage Man invent the first Web browser as a practical joke." Dogbert reads a newspaper and his ears fly up in surprise. The garbage man says, "It's out of control." Dogbert says, "I wonder what will happen to that college kid we framed." The garbage man says, "He'll be okay." The carrying a stack of money man asks, "Where would you like this bushel of money?" A college boy replies, "Stack it next to the photographers." A hairdresser combs his hair.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 1998's comic on:


Tags #self employed, #invent valuable things, #exploit them, #resource, #bad input, #Dogbert

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Dilbert says, "I'm thinking of quitting and working for myself." Dogbert says, "Come work for me." Dilbert says, "Doing what?" Dogbert says, "You'll invent things and I'll exploit you... I mean them." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure you'd be the best boss, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Don't give me that input you 'resource.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the consultant, #brain wash customoers, #long term goal, #train customers, #mail money, #advertsiements, #send them product

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Caption: Dogbert the consultant. Dogbert stands on chair facing the Boss who sits behind his desk. Dogbert says, "You must brainwash your customers to prefer your brand for no reason." Dogbert says, "The long-term goal is to train your customers to mail you money every time they see your advertisements." The Boss says, "Would we send them our product?" Dogbert says, "Hello-o-o, brain stem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #three bulls points, #summarize, #project, #invent words, #new words, #splrgy, #noobah, #pizkwat

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Dilbert speaks at the podium. "I've been asked to summarize my project into three bullet points." Dilbert says, "I had to invent some new words." Pointing to these words (Splurby, Noobah, Pizkwat), Dilbert says "Believe me, you don't want to be any of these things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #candidate for engineering, #resume, #invented e-commerce, #hire now, #team that invented, #teach paul, #to invent things

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #work from home, #know working, #wearing uncomfortable hat, #extremely uncomfortable

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally approaches and asks, "Is it okay if I work from home one day a week?" The Boss responds, "How would I know you were working?" Wally responds, "How do you know I'm working when I'm HERE?" The Boss responds, "When you're here, I know you're unhappy and that's the same thing as work." Wally responds, "What if I invent a hideously uncomfortable hat to wear when I'm working at home?" The Boss responds, "Well... that might be okay." The Boss continues, "But it has to be extremely uncomfortable or else it isn't work." Wally sits in his living room. He has a clamp tightened around his head and has turned blue. He thinks, "Hee Hee! The joke's on him - it isn't that uncomfortable."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #make box bluer, #micromanaging, #blood smaple, #microscope, #manage cellular level, #erwin schrodinger, #quantum level, #free gifts, #white blood cells, #say hi

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Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Make the box bluer." The Boss continues, "A little more.. A little more... A little more.." Alice interrupts, "That's it!!" Alice opens her drawer and exclaims, "When you get tired of micromanaging me..." Alice hands The Boss a cup of blood and continues, "Put this sample of my blood under a microscope so you can manage me on a cellular level." Alice continues yelling, "And here's a book by Erwin Schrodinger in case you'd like to manage me on a quantum level!" Alice screams, "Do you understand what I'm saying?" The Boss walks out carrying the blood sample and book. He thinks, "Free gifts." The Boss sits at his desk and says to the blood sample, "Now I want all of you white blood cells to spell 'Hi.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2003's comic on:


Tags #criticize things, #dont understnd, #kyoto treaty, #flat tax, #unfair, #stem cells

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Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #accidentally eat, #apple core, #care values, #customer service, #respect, #stem is loyalty, #teamwork, #apple product

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The Boss: "This apple will remind us of our CORE values: respect, customer service, and teamwork." Dilbert: "The apple's core is the part you throw away." The Boss: "Not always. Sometimes I accidentally eat it." Dilbert: "Maybe the stem can represent our loyalty to the company."