Lose Idealism Comic Strips - Page 2
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The Boss stands in front of Alice, Dilbert and Al. He says, "I need to promote one of you to the district manager position." Dilbert, Al and Alice look at the Boss. The Boss says, "Dilbert, your technical knowledge is too valuable to lose." The Boss continues, "Ditto for Alice. Neither of you can be promoted." Dilbert and Alice look angry. The Boss says, "The only logical choice is to promote Al because he has no valuable knowledge." Dilbert replies, "Al??! A director??! He doesn't know what day of the week it is!! The Boss tells Al, "They're just grumpy because it's Monday." Dilbert says, "It's Thursday."
Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."
The caption, an entry from Dilbert's daily log, reads, "Day three of telecommuting: I spend the morning throwing my pen in the air." Dilbert sits at his desk at home dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He tosses a pen into the air. The pen falls and hits Dilbert in the head, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the chair. The caption reads, "The afternoon is spent in silent appreciation of how much better this is than being in the office." Dilbert lies on the floor with his feet on the desk chair and thinks, "Ahh."
Dilbert says, "I have to take a contract to our company lawyer. I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert and Dogbert sit in front of a lawyer's desk. Dilbert says, "Please review this contract. I need it today." The attorney replies, "Give me all of your copies plus the original then go away." Dogbert screams, "Don't do it! He plans to lose them!!" Dilbert says, "Good dog!" The lawyer says, "Dang!" The lawyer looks at the contract and says, "I can't approve this. Somebody might sue us for no good reason." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That's true with any contract. Isn't he using absurd logic?" Dogbert replies, "Let's find out." Dogbert stands on his chair and shouts, "Approve the contract now or I'll sue you for obstruction of dogs!!" The lawyer says, "Okay okay." Dilbert says, "Wow." Dogbert says, "The great thing about absurd logic is that it fits any situation."
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "It's status report time where each of you gets to prove what poor communicators you are while I act interested!" The Boss continues, "Remember to use lots of acronyms that only you understand. And speak in a whiny monotone that makes us all want to slap you!" Wally says, "I'm starting to lose my idealism."
Dilbert lies on the couch looking worried and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he shouts, "You'd lose your job! You wouldn't be able to withdraw money or check phone messages! You'd be dead in a week!" Dilbert's hair and tie fly up and he says, "That would have been a good time to be quietly supportive, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "Oh, yeah, that's a lot of fun."
A man with a goatee and a woman with spiked hair who's wearing a tube top enter a room with Dilbert. The man says, "Our strategic alliance is working well. My company provides amazing technical skill and your company . . ." The man continues, ". . . Has a seemingly endless supply of three-ring binders." They sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." The woman asks, "Is it true that if your name is written in a binder you lose your soul?"
Dogbert sits on the dresser watching Dilbert pack. Dilbert closes a suitcase and tells Dogbert, "This suitcase is the decoy." Dilbert explains, "While the airline is distracted trying to lose the decoy, I'll sneak aboard with this emergency carry-on bag." Dogbert asks, "What if they try to make you eat their food?" Dogbert replies, "Fake vomit. They'll think I already ate."
Wally, Asok and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new corporate policy is that all employees must use the products we sell." Asok screams and shouts, "What have we done to deserve this??!!!" Asok asks Wally, "So you're saying that many of these policies are NOT intended to be punishments?" Wally replies, "You get used to it after you lose your will to live."
Catbert peers over the cubicle wall at Alice and says, "Alice you have to use your vacation time or you'll lose it." Alice grimaces as Catbert says, "But if you take time off, you'll miss your deadlines." Catbert laughs wickedly. Catbert walks away, his normally smooth fur is puffed out. Catbert thinks, "This is embarrassing. I laughed myself fuzzy."