Measure Torso Comic Strips - Page 2

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45 Results for Measure Torso

View 11 - 20 results for measure torso comic strips. Discover the best "Measure Torso" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new objectoves, #achievable, #objectives approved, #measurable

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Alice hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's a draft of my new objectives. I tried to make them achievable." The Boss reads, "No matter how stupid my co-workers are, I will not punch a hole in anyone's torso, rip out a vital organ and keep it in my cubicle as a warning to others." Outside the Boss's office, Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope she gets those objectives approved." Inside the office, Alice yells, "Yes! It's measurable!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plan too much, #bias for action, #posters, #proclaim commitment, #measure once, #cut twice

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "We plan too much. From now on we'll have a bias for action." The Boss tells Asok and Wally, "I want posters that proclaim our commitment to action. And I want them soon!" The Boss reads a poster, "'Measure once. Cut twice.' I like it." Wally tells Asok, "Told you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loud conversation, #cubicle, #goaway, #pound head, #strange noise, #alice threatens

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A man and a woman stand outside Alice's cubicle. Alice says, "I hate to interrupt your loud conversation outside my cubicle . . ." Alice continues, "But it you don't go away, I'll pound your inconsiderate head so far into your torso that you have to drop your pants to say hello." Wally asks Dilbert, "Did you just hear a strange noise?" Dilbert says, "It sounded like, 'Melp! Melp!'" Nearby, a man's head protrudes from his pants.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bred, #work in cubicle, #personal life, #stealing, #good square meal, #square head

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The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, this is Rex Tangle, our newest employee." Rex is completely square, with flat sides to his head and torso. The Boss says, "Rex was specially bred to work in a cubicle." Wally says, "Looks like he'll fit right in." The Boss says, "Ask him about his personal life." Wally says, "Rex, how's your personal life?" Rex says, "I don't have one. That would be like stealing from the company." A little heart showing love floats above The Boss's head. Wally and Rex walk off. Wally asks, "So, do you eat lunch?" Rex says, "I would enjoy a good square meal." Dilbert and alice are sitting in the company cafeteria eating their lunches. Wally says, "Meet the future." Rex says, "Hello, you round pegs!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #measurable objective, #technical writer, #measure good writing, #number of words, #compare projects to wood, #dogmatic babbling manager, #cognitive surrender

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The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss in office, #thank me, #all hard work, #measure torso, #knitting sweater

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Carol stands in the doorway of Asok's cube with a measuring tape. Carol says, "Asok, the boss wants to see you in his office." Asok says, "He must want to thank me for all my hard work. Am I right?" Carol says, "I'm supposed to measure your torso." Asok says, "Is he knitting me a sweater?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dumb boss, #tape measure, #postage on email, #my boss is so dumb

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Ted, Dilbert and Carol sit at a conference table. Ted says, "My boss is so dumb, He brought a tape measure to a distance learning class." Everyone laughs, "HA HA HA HA!" Carol says, "My boss is so dumb..." Carol says, "He puts postage stamps on his e-mail. Now he can't see his pc screen." Everyone laughs, "HA HA HA HA!" Ted says to Dilbert, "How about you, Dilbert? Do you have any dumb boss jokes?" The Boss enters the conference room. The Boss says, "Dilbert, my pc is warm. I think our fire wall is acting up." Ted pats Dilbert on the back and says, "We're sorry." Carol says, "We didn't know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad performance review, #tape measure, #measure twice

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The boss is at a table flanked by Dilbert and Wally. The boss says, "My philosophy is: measure twice.." The boss continues, "Then cut twice, then uh..." Wally says, "Give the tape measure a bad performance review?" Dilbert giggles, "Hee hee!..Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #one project, #finished one, #measure worth, #number of projects, #track roi, #losing, #competition amongst mothers, #dilberts mom

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Dilbert and his mom are eating dinner. Dilbert's mom asks, "Why have you only finished one project at work this year? Norma's son did three." Dilbert responds, "You can't measure someone's worth by counting the number of projects he does." Dilbert's mom says to her friends, "Maybe we should track R.O.I. instead." One of her friends replies, "Why, because you're losing?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drop by iq, #measure of drop by visitor, #stay in cubicle, #one hour

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Dilbert is sitting on the couch at home. Dogbert says, "I've developed a new theory of intelligence that I call 'Drop-by-I.Q.'" Dogbert continues, "It's a measure of how long a drop-by visitor will stay in your cubicle when you're trying to work." The Boss is standing in Alice's cubicle. He says, ..."And that's why I'm afraid of bananas." Alice looks at her clock and thinks, "One hour and counting."