No Answers Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Care to join me for a walk?" Dogbert answers, "Sure." Dogbert says, "I hope you aren't planning to chew that gum at the same time." Dilbert says as he puts a piece of gum in his mouth, "Very funny." Dilbert lies on the ground with gum sticking to his feet, his arms and Dogbert. Dilbert says, "Boy! This is a lot harder than you would think." Dogbert growls.
Dilbert sits in his chair with Dogbert sitting on his legs. Dogbert says, ". . . Therefore, Curly must have been the smartest of all the Stooges." The telephone rings. Dilbert answers the phone and shouts, "I won WHAT?!!" Dilbert picks up Dogbert and cries, "I won the lottery! We're millionaires, Dogbert!!" Someone knocks on the door. Dilbert opens the door to a news reporter and a television camera. The reporter says, "Global News - may I interview you on your sudden wealth?" The reporter shoves a microphone in Dilbert's face and asks, "What would you like to say to the entire planet?" The caption says, "The wealth had come quickly . . ." Dilbert stammers, "Er . . . Um . . ." The caption says, "And just as quickly, it was gone." Dilbert says into the microphone, "Drinks for everybody!"
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf." Dilbert asks, "How can they tell it's the golf gene?" Dogbert answers, "It's plaid and it lies." Dilbert says, "I probably shouldn't rely on you for my science updates."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Helen just canceled our date." Dogbert asks, "What excuse this time?" Dilbert sits on the hassock with Dogbert and answers, "Apparently she discovered tiny frozen cavemen in her ice cube trays and she's trying to revive them for science." Dogbert asks, "Are you the least bit suspicious of that story?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . . How do I know they aren't just pretending to be cavemen?"
Dilbert jogs through the park wearing a sweat suit and sneakers. Dogbert sits in the chair. He asks, "How was your run?" Dilbert replies, "Great . . . I feel awful." Dogbert says, "Pardon a simple dog for asking, but why do you run if it feels awful?" Dilbert answers, "Well, if I do it every day, I'll live a longer life." Dogbert says, "So, life will feel awful, but at least it will last a long time." Dilbert says, "Unless I get hit by a truck . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Okay then, suppose you had everything you wanted. What would you do?" Dogbert answers, "Gloat. Make everybody else feel like failures. Live a garish and decadent life." Dilbert asks, "And when that gets boring?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe start my own perfume company."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "What does a dog school have in common with the tv show 'Sixty Minutes?'" Dilbert turns around and answers, "They both have 'Hairy Reasoners.'" Dogbert says, "Uh . . . right." Dogbert walks away thinking, "And people wonder why dogs sometimes turn on their owners . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "I was rewarded today for perfect attendance at work." Dogbert asks, "What do you get?" Dilbert answers, "A day off with pay." Dogbert says, "It's a miracle your species has survived this long."
Dilbert says into the telephone, "Hello, is this the library reference desk?" A voice answers, "Yes." Dilbert asks, "What's the average running speed of the Tazmanian Boola-Boola dog?" The librarian replies, "8.3 miles per hour." Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "I can't believe she knew that." The librarian says, "And you have something stuck in your teeth."
Dilbert sees Dogbert holding a video camera and asks, "A home video?" Dogbert answers, "'Dogbert Versus Godzilla.' We'll use Bob the Dinosaur as Godzilla and you can be Raymond Burr!" Bob asks, "Shouldn't Godzilla get top billing?" Dogbert shouts through a megaphone, "Quiet on the set!!" Dawn tells Dilbert, "Dogbert is letting me be the 'key grip.'" Dilbert replies, "Darn! All I get was the Raymond Burr role." Dogbert says, "In this first scene, Bob, you rip the arms off the 'Ken' doll while Barbie and Skipper watch in horror." Dogbert continues, "Dilbert, you'll be eating a cheeseburger and the shock waves will cause you to smoosh it into your face." Dogbert continues, "Then I come in and waste both of you with a fire extinguisher." Dilbert asks, "Raymond Burr dies?" Dawn asks, "What, no sequel?"