No Longer Communtes Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

101 Results for No Longer Communtes

View 11 - 20 results for no longer communtes comic strips. Discover the best "No Longer Communtes" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #diversity, #the worse, #german accent, #Wally, #computer issues

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is in Catbert's office. Wally says, "Mister Catbert, the company is trying to force me to use a different kind of computer." Wally continues, "You're the Human Resources Director. What are you doing to stop this religious persecution??! What ever happened to 'diversity??'" Catbert responds, "The longer you verk here, diverse it gets . . . Next."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guy in marketing, #alter dna, #structure, #animal, #weasel, #notice change, #marketing guys, #helix, #one helix

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cahnges, #corporate culture, #longer hours, #without pay, #management says same, #team, #vapid slogans, #notepads, #useless meetings, #culture change, #fad menu, #rule by fear, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've decided to make some changes to our corporate culture." Wally says, "Let me guess what that means." Wally continues, "We'll work longer hours without extra pay . . ." Wally continues, "Your management style will remain exactly the same because Lord knows there's no need for YOU to change." Dilbert adds, "We'll start calling ourselves a 'team' so it doesn't seem like work!" Alice covers her eyes and says, "I predict there will be vapid slogans printed on notepads, and maybe some useless meetings." Dilbert says, "She's psychic!" Dilbert asks, "Is is just me or is the culture already changing?" Wally shouts, "I feel it! We're changing!" Wally looks at the agenda and asks, "What's next on the fad menu?" The Boss thinks, "I wonder if it's too late to rule by fear."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee benefits, #eyegalsses, #support new vision, #radila keratotomy, #squinting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Catbert and Wally are sitting at a conference table. Catbert says, "As director of human resources I've been asked to reduce the cost of employee benefits." Catbert says, "The company will no longer pay for eyeglasses. But we WILL support a new vision-correction procedure." Dilbert asks, "Radial Keratotomy?" Catbert answers, "Squinting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #total compensation plan, #salary alone, #danger, #balances out, #employee benefits, #lower blood pressure, #rubbing soft belly, #trick, #health benefit

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Catbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mister Catbert will explain our new 'total compensation plan' for excellence." Catbert says, "We no longer view compensation in the narrow terms of salary alone." Dilbert, Alice and Wally think, "Danger! Danger!" Catbert continues, "If employee benefits go up, then salaries can go down and it all balances out." Catbert lies on the table and says, "For example, did you know you could lower your blood pressure by rubbing my soft, furry belly?" Alice says, "It might be a trick!" Wally thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Wally rubs Catbert's stomach and Catbert shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! It's a health benefit! Now I'll cut everybody's salary!" Dilbert, Alice and Wally look shocked and their hair and clothing is disheveled. Dilbert says, "I've noticed that the more health benefits I get, the worse I feel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee suggestions, #harmless, #stupud, #theorym, #replace pencils

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Dilbert, "The only employee suggestions that get accepted are the ones that are harmless and stupid." They sit down at a conference table and Wally continues, "I submitted some harmless and stupid ideas to test my theory." The Boss sits at his desk and reads a document that says, "Suggestion: Replace all #2 pencils with #4 pencils. The hard lead lasts longer yet costs the same." The Boss thinks, "That could work."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #canceling life insurance, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #extend vacations, #family freindly, #no longer allow, #remove incentives, #time off for death, #kill relatives

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #save money, #copier ink, #add water, #copies light, #compensate, #darken, #implement, #Dilbert, #creative thinker, #implantation task, #bigger raise, #creative way

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally tells the Boss, "I have a great idea to save money." Wally enter the Boss's office and continues, "We can make the photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that make the copies too light?" Wally replies, "Ordinarily, yes. But we can compensate by setting the copier to 'darken.'" Wally says, "You'll need someone to implement this idea . . . Let's see." Wally says, "Hey, how about Dilbert? He isn't doing much work lately." Wally continues, "I'd do it myself but there's no reason to waste a creative thinker on an implementation task." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you still mad that I got a bigger raise than you did?" Wally replies, "No, I found a creative way to deal with it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make copy, #secretary, #more cost effective, #highly paid, #document, #high level plnning, #secretary takes lunch, #never makes copy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert holds a paper and says, "I'll make a quick copy and then we can discuss it." The Boss says, "No, no. I'll have my secretary do that." Dilbert protests, "That will take longer." The Boss says, "It's more cost-effective." The Boss hands the paper to Carol and says,"We're highly-paid professionals. Carol is... well... I don't know if we pay her at all." The Boss says, "Now we'refree to do high-level planning." DIlbert says, "Um... we kinda need that document." Carol is in her cubicle and drops the document on a stack of papers labeled "Urgent." She looks at her watch and says, "Ooh, time for lunch." Dilbert rests his head in his hands and the Boss says, "So... do you fish?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strip on nose, #oxygen to brain, #interesting conversationalist, #not optimistic, #anti snoring device

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Put this strip on your nose to get more oxygen to your brain." Dogbert hands Dilbert a strip. Dilbert puts the strip on his nose. Dogbert says, "I'm hoping it will make you a more interesting conversationalist." Dilbert says, "How 'bout that?" The strip is hanging off the end of Dilbert's nose. Dogbert says, "I'm no longer optimistic."