Online Marketplace Comic Strips - Page 2

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View 11 - 20 results for online marketplace comic strips. Discover the best "Online Marketplace" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #achieve goal, #analyze incoming email, #automate, #excellent plan, #online tech, #software, #throw rocks, #useful repsonse, #wear ski masks, #sarcas, #supportiveness, #engineering

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I have an idea!" The Boss continues, "We'll automate our online tech support." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our software will analyze incoming e-mail and send responses based on key words!" Dilbert, his tie flying up, says to The Boss, "That's an excellent plan." The Boss responds, "I know." Dilbert says, "But what about the one percent of our customers who actually get a useful response?" Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe we could wear ski masks and throw rocks at their houses." Dilbert says, "Then we could achieve our goal of 100% customer dissatisfaction! Whoo hoo!" Dilbert throws his arms up in the air as The Boss watches him. Dilbert thinks to himself, "Maybe I should work someplace where sarcasm and supportiveness are different things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online self assessment, #survey, #program, #question blank, #says you steal, #bad advice

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Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers

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The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #a bad day, #a worse day, #a much worse day, #ne job online, #trying to fill, #unqaulified

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Headline: A Bad Day. Dilbert stands in front of his computer and says, "Maybe it's time to look for a new job online." Headline: A Worse Day. Dilbert sits at his computer and says, "Hey, that's my job they're trying to fill." Headline: A Much Worse Day. Dilbert sits in his cubicle and says, "And I'm unqualified."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory online training, #system crashed, #retake training

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"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online study class, #sexual harrasmnet, #don't have one, #happy actors

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Wally: "I'm about halfway finished with the online studay class on sexual harassment." The Boss: "Wally, we don't have an online study course on sexual harassment." Wally: "THat would explain why all the actors seemed so happy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #online ereume, #older chubby men, #key words, #married men, #job offers, #cousin, #Advice, #one line job hunting

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"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #combined, #dating service, #online job site, #system

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"I combined an online dating service with an online job site and an online auction site." "You tell the system everything about yourself and see if anyone wants any of it." ""I wouldn't date you or hire you, but I'll bid a dollar for your refrigerator.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #online customer survey, #how happy

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Dogbert's Tech Support: Please fill out the online customer satisfaction survey." "Um... But you haven't even tried to help me yet." "I like to base my help on how happy you expect to be."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I enrolled in a distance learning class to get my master's degree. "Uh-oh." "GAAA! GAAA! GAAA!" "Is the online degree hard?" "Not so much. I'm taking my midterm exam as we speak."