Staffing Levels Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

37 Results for Staffing Levels

View 11 - 20 results for staffing levels comic strips. Discover the best "Staffing Levels" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1998's comic on:

Tags #cubicle, #land on moon, #temperature, #oxygen levels, #space program, #hoax, #nasa hiding, #love engineers

View Transcript

Transcript

The cubicle lands on the moon. Dilbert says, "We're the first cubicle to land on the moon." Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the surface of the moon. Dilbert says, "The temperature and oxygen levels are fine. Apparently the space program is a hoax." Dogbert says, "NASA must be hiding something here." Two women appear. The women hold wine glasses and wear dresses. The brunette says, "Hi. We're the women who love engineers." The blond has a heart above her head. Dilbert's hair and tie stick straight up. Dilbert's eyebrows raise. Dobert's ear's fly up.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1999's comic on:

Tags #weekly wally report, #pointy haired troll, #dumped record, #levels of work, #moral delemma, #disappoint stock holders, #last ounce of happiness, #one choice, #reading ahead, #assignments

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1999's comic on:

Tags #take six months, #time line, #leadership, #made me unmotivated, #foreseen or unforseen, #wally is dysfunctional, #schedule is random, #looks mad

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss points to a board that says, "Time Line." He says, "The project will take six months..." He continues, "Unless there are unforeseen problems." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Your leadership has made me unmotivated." Dilbert asks, "Is that considered foreseen or unforeseen?" Dilbert continues, pointing at Wally, "And Wally is dysfunctional on many levels." Wally agrees, "I really am." Dilbert asks, "Was that foreseen? Or are you saying the schedule is random?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "He looks mad." Alice says, "I didn't see that coming."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 1999's comic on:

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #hr dept., #views of management, #exceeds expectations, #renamed, #drool, #loser, #die die die, #category changes, #performance review

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2002's comic on:

Tags #assignment, #blah blah, #make holidays tense, #stockholder, #stop merger, #suing us, #dilberts mother

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at his computer. The Boss approaches, hands Dilbert a photograph, and says, "This stockholder is suing us to stop the merger. Go rough her up." Dilbert looks at the photograph and responds, "This assignment disturbs me on many levels." The Boss says, "Name one." Dilbert looks down at the photograph of his mom and says, "It will make the holidays tense." The Boss replies, "Blah, blah, blah."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2003's comic on:

Tags #produce breakthrough, #meeting, #coach me, #higher perfromance, #no hope for progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My project has no progress and no hope for progress. I scheduled a meeting is I can fantasize that it will produce a breakthrough. I recommend that we have a meeting next week so you can fantasize that your'll coach me to higher levels of performance. The Boss: Sounds good.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2004's comic on:

Tags #unverifiable prodcutivity, #phone call, #built consensus, #attended meetings, #set priorities

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "This week I achieved unprecedented levels of unverifiable productivity." "I made phone calls, built consensus, displayed leadership, attended meetings and set priorities." "And then we have this meeting."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2004's comic on:

Tags #car, #late, #cold, #car wouldn't start, #warm out, #wind chill factor, #no actual car, #lied. boss, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: I'm late because my car wouldn't start in the cold. The boss; Its warm outside. allyL theres a little thing called the wind chill factor. Hello - o - o -o!! Dilbert: that was wrong on many levels. wally: Someday Im gotta get a car.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2004's comic on:

Tags #online ereume, #older chubby men, #key words, #married men, #job offers, #cousin, #Advice, #one line job hunting

View Transcript

Transcript

"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2006's comic on:

View Transcript

Transcript

Does marketing have any data on customer preferences? Errr grunt! "This is disturbing on so many levels."